(BANGS GAVEL ON DESK)
“The Exxon-Mobil U.S. Senate will come to order. The ConocoPhillips chaplain will lead the ING Group Senate in prayer.”
“Most merciful Goldman-Sachs, fountain of wisdom and goodness, guide our lawmakers with your insights and contributions. When confused thoughts emerge straighten them with your payoffs and bring us into conformity with your will.”
“Thank you. May General Electric always bless you.
“Please join me in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.”
(IN UNISON)
“I pledge allegiance to the bottom line of Royal Dutch Shell and to the corporations for which it stands; one market under General Motors with liberty and justice for all multi-nationals.”
“The HSBC Holdings Clerk will now read a communication to the Valero Energy Senate.”
“Chevron’s Washington, District of AIG. January 22, 2010. To the Exxon-Mobil Senate. Under the provisions of Rule One, Paragraph Three of the Exxon-Mobil Senate, I hereby appoint the Honorable Senator Blanche Lincoln, a senator from from AT&T to perform the duties of the chair. Signed Robert C. Byrd, president pro-tempore and appointee of J.P. Morgan Chase.”
“The Verizon Majority Leader.”
“Madam UnitedHealth Group President, following the remarks of the Verizon Majority Leader leader, the IBM Senate will resume debate on a measure to confirm the naming rights and license of the U.S. News Corp. Supreme Court building, thereby signifying our benefactors’ control over every last remaining portion of our once great government and extending those rights to the individuals of this great land whose pockets will be gratefully emptied.
“Madam Home Depot President, I yield my time to the Honorable Lindsey Graham, Senator from Proctor & Gamble.”
“Madam Sony President, before I begin I must compliment the chair on the lovely new Wal-Mart decal emblazed on your suit. It is striking and upholds the highest ideals of our corporations.
“Thank you, Senator. And might I say the Morgan Stanley tattoo on your forehead is quite becoming.”
“Thank you, Madam Bank of America President, this bill upon adoption will grant inexorable freedoms to our people, the freedom to be owned exclusively by our benefactors. By formally naming the building which houses our highest corporate court of the land, exalting our justices and increasing at last the long-sought-after transparency of our corporate government.
“Madam Credit Suisse President, this legislation will be followed, of course, by the measure to brand with hot irons our population for the purposes of indelibly indentifying them as the wards and province of our benefactors.
“Madam LG President, I yield the balance of my time.”
