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Snow and hand puppets and Republican VD…day cards

It’s snowin’ the bejeepers outa the Northeast US of A, which means nobody can get to work, which means everyone has to sit at home and make Sarah Palin hand puppets while callin’ each other retards for thinking the snow completely disproves global warming.

It’s just that kind of messed up day. The New York Times can’t even report on the winter storm, apparently, because none of its reporters can get out of the building. The Old Grey Lady sent out a tweet earlier today – desperately seeking  help to report the story..

“Send us your stories,” read the tweet. “We’re trapped and we’re cannibalizing the once proud craft of journalism!”

(Okay…made up that last part…kinda.)

Don’t know why everybody wants to make fun of Sarah Palin’s hand job for the teabaggers last weekend. She was just trying to give them want they want.

Even the comic genius that is White House press spokesman Robert Gibbs stroked the meme by revealing to the White House press corps a short grocery list written on his palm. Ha-ha-ha…yea, that was a good one. Maybe when he’s done at the White House his brothers, Barry and Robin, will take him back and they can go on the road again…”stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive…”

Elsewhere in the White House, First Lady Michelle Obama was rolling out her campaign to end the epidemic of childhood obesity in a generation.

And when we say, “rolling out”… we don’t mean the kids who are…wait for it…so fat…wait for it…that when they sit around the house, the really sit around the house!

Okay, okay…sorry. This really is a serious problem for the US of A…mostly in the A and mid-section of kids who, studies suggest, consume an average – AVERAGE – of 145 pounds of high fructose corn syrup each year, mostly from soft drinks, fruity drinks, so-called sports drinks and processed foods.

The First Lady’s, “Let’s Move,” campaign is not a signal to Republicans the Obamas are ready for a new address come 2012 but rather a call to put down the Twinkies, get off the freakin’ couch and play some hoops…for heaven’s sake!

And speaking of Republicans, that fun-loving and clever bunch over at the Republican National Committee is doing its part to spread the VD love by offering Valentine’s Day e-cards for your friends or sex partners, even same-sex partners or all three!

You can send cards bearing the likeness of Rahm Emmanuel saying, “Happy [expletive] Valentine’s Day.” Or an ACORN spokesman saying, “We’d like to help you set up a tax free romance business.”

Oh, those witty RNC staffers…a barrel of monkeys are those guys! They missed a real opportunity, though, to send out Valentine’s Day cards from the likes of Gov. Mark Sanford, Sen. David Vitter, Sen. John Ensign, Rep. Mark Foley…or, even, Newt Gingrich or Justice Clarence Thomas.

Finally, our dreams have been answered! Google has given us YET ANOTHER social network through which we can totally waste what little time we have left from wasting our time on all the other social networks!

Google Buzz will offer diversions straight from your Gmail and keep you updated on what your friends are doing and posting on all their social networking sites. Great! SQUIRREL!!

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