“Ah, yes, General, come on in.”
“Um…er…Mr. President. How are you this morning?”
“Oh I’m just fine, General. What could go wrong on this fine day? We have in the Gulf the nation’s worst environmental disaster ever. The economy continues to struggle. Republicans continue to act out and, as you know, this war thing in Afghanistan continues to be difficult. Just one thing after another but I’m having a great day…again.”
“Um…er…yes, sir, Mr. President. You were certainly handed a plate full dog crap when you took office.”
“Well, no one said this job was easy. So, what can I do for you today, General?”
“Um…er…well sir, you asked me to stop by.”
“Oh yes, that’s right. I did, didn’t I? So, how’s it going? What’s new?”
“Um…er…well…sir, the offensive in the Helmand Province is not going so we–…”
“Yes, yes…I’m aware of that. Say, General, when you’re not off fightin’ and snake-eating and stuff, what do you do for fun?”
“Um…er…excuse me, Mr. President?”
“You know, what do you like to do on your down time? I like basketball and golf and reading. You read much, General?”
“Um…er…well, Mr. President. I like to read, yes, history mostly; war history.”
“Yes, indeed. I like magazines, too. Oh, look, here’s the latest issue of Rolling Stone
. Ever read Rolling Stone, General?”
“Well…sir…I…”
“Yea, it’s been a favorite of mine over the years. Used to love to read Bill Greider and even P.J. O’Rourke – the funniest damn conservative of all – and, of course, bow your heads when we say his name, The Doctor. Just glad folks like Matt Taibbi are keeping up the great tradition.”
“Um…er…yes, sir…um, Mr. President, sir…I…um…”
“Hey look at this. You’re in the latest issue! Wow, that’s awesome, dood. Didn’t make the cover, though. Lady Gaga did. But, still…”
“Um…er…Mr. President…I…er…”
“Let’s see what you have to say, here, General. I don’t often have the chance to read a magazine piece about someone while they’re sitting on my couch.”
“Well, er, Mr. President, about that piece…”
“Whoa, General, there’s some pretty rude stuff in here…Ambassador Eikenberry? The Vice-President? Bite me? Really?”
“Mr. President, sir…I…I…”
“Well, General, we’ll need to talk about this. Wanna stay for lunch? We’re having sautéed crow and ice cold cans of whoop-ass. Bring your snakes and come with me. I’ll tell you about Lincoln and General McClellan. It’s a great story. You’ll like this.”
