Although it may have gone relatively unnoticed in all the media hype over some guy named Lindsay Lohan, carnival sideshow barker Douche Limpbranch must be back on the radio.
You can tell because of the oily, greasy sheen on the radio dial.
You’ll remember – if you care to – Douche was recently married. Again. Number Four. Family values. And he must’ve gotten laid, once, on his honeymoon because like any good douche on a summer’s eve he’s full of piss and vinegar.
“There was not a recession (in 2008),” proclaimed the Douche only yesterday, as he babbled on, blaming the Obama Administration for the recession which didn’t happen then but is happening now.
Oh sure, rewriting history is nothing new to the right-wing fringe and the Douche is a master at it but, you see, the Douche has a problem.
No, not the obvious ones. He has a career problem. No, not the obvious ones. This one is serious.
To attract attention in Crazy Town, one has to be the bright and shiny object. The Douche was that bright and shiny object for many years. He had his hey-day railing against the Clintons back in the 90s and Bill gave him the perfect gift: a cigar and an intern.
But those glory days are long gone and other bright and shiny objects keep popping up in Crazy Town, getting brighter and shinier…and crazier…all the time. The competition is, unlike Douche without Viagra, stiff.
Gin BecksBeer, the Douche’s main rival high-jacked the Crazy Train some time ago. His rants make the Douche look like Mr. Rogers on OxyContin.
And even though the audience and advertisers have been fleeing Gin BecksBeer radio and TV shows like rats scurrying from a sinking ship, ol’ Gin continues to get crazier and crazier.
And, of course, the Douche’s ego can’t allow anyone to be crazier so he must, in turn, ratchet up the nonsense; get even shinier in Crazy Town; catapult the propaganda, as G.W. Bush might say.
So, now that’s he back he’s gonna dig deep into his bag of nonsense to tell us stuff like, Obama “wouldn’t have been voted President if he weren’t black.”
And, “If Obama weren’t black he’d be a tour guide in Honolulu.”
And, yes, in case you’re wondering: crazy, racism and poor grammar often go together.
Thank heavens, according to the Douche, we needn’t worry about the GOP and its future with Michael Steele in charge and telling us how Obama started the war in Afghanistan.
The center of the universe, says the Douche, is not the Republican National Committee.
“Its right here,” said the Douche. “The head of the RNC is not the Republican leader. He’s not the conservative leader. That’s me.”
OOOHHH…look…shiny!
