Only 10 years into America’s Century and who would have thought our political discourse could have gotten so rotten so soon?
Really? The big ad of the 2010 season begins with the disclaimer, “I am not a witch”?
We haven’t seen that kind of political ad since the Salem City Council elections in 1692.
It would, of course, be very easy to tell if Tea Party darling and (can’t believe I’m actually writing this) U.S. Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell is, in fact, a witch.
There are ways to tell if she’s a witch.
There are? Yes. Tell us how. What do we do with witches? We burn them!! Why do we burn them? They’re made of wood! So, we build a bridge out of her? No, we can also build bridges out of stone.
What else can wood do? Float in water. So, we throw Christine O’Donnell into the pond to see if she floats? No, plenty of other things float. Ducks float.
So, we weigh her and if she weighs the same as a duck, she’s witch! Easy! And it’s the same logic Rumsfeld and Cheney used to persuade Bush to invade Iraq!
And since we’ve all become sheep, we should end all political spots with the tagline, “I am ewe.”
But, wait! That’s not all! There’s more!
There is Virginia Congressional District 1 candidate…not making this up…Krystal Ball, a Democrat.
Something told Krystal Ball to run for the Congress but someone else told a right-wing website about private photos taken during Krystal Ball’s graduation party at the University of Virginia when she was 22 years old. In the photos, now candidate Ball appears to fondle a red…um…er…mommies-best-friend attached at the time to her husband’s nose (as he played the part of Rudolph the Red Dildoed Reindeer.)
One would have thought Krystal Ball could have seen this coming; the release of the photos. But, you see, Ms. Ball was listed during her time as a congressional aide on The Hill’s annual photo essay of “The Hill’s Most Beautiful People.” So, the right-wing naturally went after her as a sex object.
But the right-wing should have gazed into the future and understood Krystal Ball is not prone to take this kind of thing.
“It’s sexist and it’s wrong, regardless of political party,” Ball said in a statement posted on her campaign’s Facebook page Wednesday. “And I have a message for any young woman who is thinking about running for office and has ever attended a costume party with her husband or done anything stupid on camera. Run for office. Fight for this country. Don’t let this sort of tactic deter you.”
Really! You tell ‘em, Krystal. I mean it’s not like dildoes are new to the Congress.
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