It’s all part of boom, boom, ain’t it great to be crazy in the land of the free and the home of the raves!

In an op-ed piece published in the Wall Street Urinal, former G.W. Bush hatchet man and puppet-master Karl Rove lets us know he thinks President Obama is doing a pretty darn good job in Afghanistan.

“Mr. Obama has acted impressively so far on Afghanistan,” wrote the man affectionately known as Turd Blossom, by the ever articulate 43rd POTUS.

Either the meds are finally working or this tells us all we need to know about how wrong is our currently policy in the land that time forgot.

Not that we should expect anything different, I guess, but the right-wing nut jobs are all cranked out now over the Six Flags amusement park chain setting aside a special day for Muslim families to be amused by roller coasters and log plume rides.

Hey, wing nuts! Muslims need thrills, too!

But, oh no, not according to Annie Hamilton of the Tea Party Patriots website:

“Muslim Day at Six Flags is inappropriate for a multitude of reasons and I’m saddened and shocked by the ignorance of the corporate folks and by the action that now must be taken by the rest of us,” she wrote.

According to a press release issued by Six Flags, Ms. Hamilton misunderstood.

“We are not celebrating Muslim Day,” said the Six Flags spokesman. “We’re celebrating ‘muslin day,’ and asking everyone to wear for their comfort loosely woven cotton fabric.

No, just kidding. Six Flags really will host – as it as every year since 2000 – a special day for Muslim Families, sponsored by the Islamic Circle of North America. This year, Six Flags Muslim Family Day falls on September 12, which is what has Hamilton so upset…for some reason.

“Islam is as Islam does,” wrote Hamilton.

But, according to Hamilton and her Tea Party buddies, what Islam shouldn’t do is be allowed to ride the Medusa or the Titan or the Raging Bull or the Bazarro, the later obviously being saved for Ms. Hamilton and her fellow baggers.

Who knew Phyllis Schlafly was still alive? Or relevant?

Well, apparently, she is; at least alive, not sure about relevant. But that didn’t keep her from pointing out how unmarried women are the single biggest problem in ‘Murka.

“Unmarried women, 70% of unmarried women, voted for Obama, and this is because when you kick your husband out, you’ve got to have big brother government to be your provider,” Schlafly recently told a fund-raiser for her Eagle Forum crotchety old women’s organization, according to Talking Points Memo.

She went on to make some remark about battery-operated-boyfriends but, like her, that’s irrelevant here.

Finally, ever wonder where the laziest people live in the US of A? The answer is not the U.S. Senate – the most timid, perhaps.

The laziest people live in the South, according to Bloomberg Business Week, which ranked Louisiana as the laziest state…you know, when they’re not raking oil off their beaches and marshes.

Mississippi comes in as the second laziest state followed by Arkansas in third. Rounding out the rest of the Top five in order: North Carolina, Tennessee & Kentucky.

Ha-Ha-Ha…but the Yankees at Bloomberg Business Week misinterpret the survey data! These folks ain’t lazy, they’re just getting’ ‘round to it…eventually.

“Oh, wait…this just in…

“A crap-load of secret documents has just been released on the Internet which suggests war sucks generally and the war in Afghanistan sucks even more than we already know…

“…and Alberto Contador will take his third Le Tour de France victory in four years.”

Really? The war in Afghanistan is going badly? War is insane and a shame on humanity? No kidding?

The revelations released Sunday on Wikileaks and covered ad naseum by the New York Times, the Guardian of London & Der Spiegel tell us much we already knew: the Taliban is a strong force in Afghanistan; the Pakistani spy corps, the ISI, may actually be helping the Taliban; the U.S. is using more drone missiles that we let on…and…

…oh yea…who’s idea was it, anyway, to start a war in a country history shows has always repelled invaders?

Well, it was our idea – the American people’s idea. Oh sure, we were goaded into by a gung-ho president and congress – and, especially, the some of the world’s greatest news organizations.

You’ll recall a butch of thugs based in Afghanistan launched an amazing and horrible attack on the U.S. back in 2001 using hijack commercial airliners to crash into New York and Washington. It was hell, the worst attack ever on the United States.

Thugs pulled this off; a relatively small band of thugs. The U.S. had to respond in kind. Don’t stop to try to understand what led to this attack. Don’t try to figure out why the band of thugs hated us so much. No time for that. By golly, we’d been hit and we had to hit back.

You know, “whoever slaps you on the right check, turn around and slap the crap out of ‘em.”

Rather than pursuing a smart police action, rounding up the criminals in Afghanistan, we decided to launch a full scale war. Then we decided that wasn’t enough. We had to launch another full scale war on another country that didn’t have anything at all to do with the attacks in 2001.

Makes perfect sense.

We did such a good job in Vietnam we just had to try it again. The Soviet Union had such great success in Afghanistan in the 1980s, we just had to do ‘em one better and show ‘em how you really crush an enemy.

The Wikileaks, NY Times. Guardian & Der Spiegel examination of the secret documents on Afghanistan tell us the war is really bad. Thanks for letting us know.

Violence begets violence. Maybe that’s where we really excel!

Memo to God of Abraham:

CC: Buddha

Maybe you outa give up on trying to make us learn the ways of peace. We ain’t listenin’.

“Um…er…Mr. President. How are you this morning?”

“Oh I’m just fine, General. What could go wrong on this fine day? We have in the Gulf the nation’s worst environmental disaster ever. The economy continues to struggle. Republicans continue to act out and, as you know, this war thing in Afghanistan continues to be difficult. Just one thing after another but I’m having a great day…again.”

“Um…er…yes, sir, Mr. President. You were certainly handed a plate full dog crap when you took office.”

“Well, no one said this job was easy. So, what can I do for you today, General?”

“Um…er…well sir, you asked me to stop by.”

“Oh yes, that’s right. I did, didn’t I? So, how’s it going? What’s new?”

“Um…er…well…sir, the offensive in the Helmand Province is not going so we–…”

“Yes, yes…I’m aware of that. Say, General, when you’re not off fightin’ and snake-eating and stuff, what do you do for fun?”

“Um…er…excuse me, Mr. President?”

“You know, what do you like to do on your down time? I like basketball and golf and reading. You read much, General?”

“Um…er…well, Mr. President. I like to read, yes, history mostly; war history.”

“Yes, indeed. I like magazines, too. Oh, look, here’s the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Ever read Rolling Stone, General?”

“Well…sir…I…”

“Yea, it’s been a favorite of mine over the years. Used to love to read Bill Greider and even P.J. O’Rourke – the funniest damn conservative of all – and, of course, bow your heads when we say his name, The Doctor. Just glad folks like Matt Taibbi are keeping up the great tradition.”

“Um…er…yes, sir…um, Mr. President, sir…I…um…”

“Hey look at this. You’re in the latest issue! Wow, that’s awesome, dood. Didn’t make the cover, though. Lady Gaga did. But, still…”

“Um…er…Mr. President…I…er…”

“Let’s see what you have to say, here, General. I don’t often have the chance to read a magazine piece about someone while they’re sitting on my couch.”

“Well, er, Mr. President, about that piece…”

“Whoa, General, there’s some pretty rude stuff in here…Ambassador Eikenberry? The Vice-President? Bite me? Really?”

“Mr. President, sir…I…I…”

“Well, General, we’ll need to talk about this. Wanna stay for lunch? We’re having sautéed crow and ice cold cans of whoop-ass. Bring your snakes and come with me. I’ll tell you about Lincoln and General McClellan. It’s a great story. You’ll like this.”

In a related announcement, U.S. officials say the new U.S. colony of Afghanistan will be renamed, Pandora, and a team from Halliburton and Massey Mining will begin immediately extracting the Unobtanium from beneath the surface.

Seriously, $1 trillion in iron, copper, gold, cobalt and lithium in Afghanistan? What could possibly go wrong?

Forget the poppies, maaaan. Everyone will want to get mellow on the lithium…while also powering our batteries!!

Curiously, enough, the cost of the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan have, so far, cost $1 trillion. Well, waddya know? Guess, maybe, we owe Dick Cheney and Paul Wolfowitz an apology for doubting them.

Meanwhile, in the Gulf of Mexico, officials with BP say they’ve discovered gold and cobalt pouring from the undersea volcano known as the Deepwater Horizon mine…er…well.

No, just kidding about that. Its still hydrocarbons and chemicals gushing forth to kill the Gulf.

But, they, the good news is President Obama will make his fourth trip today to the Redneck Riviera where he’ll get in a little beach time (unrefined oil and saltwater make an excellent SP 15 sunscreen, or is that STP oil treatment 15?). He’ll talk to the locals, assure them he feels their pain and, maybe, get in a little golf at SanDestin, now renamed OilSandsDestin.

No, just kidding about that, too. Remember, he’s lookin’ to kick a little ass so, BP officials, I don’t think I’d mess with him right now. I think he means it.

And to show he means it, he’ll address us all on the TeeVee Box on Tuesday night when he returns from the Coast Formerly Known as Emerald. He’s gonna tell us he will demand BP immediately set up an escrow account to make sure the money is there to repay Gulf Coast residents for their losses.

BP has, by the way, $7 billion in cash. Tony Heyward carries it around in a steel briefcase. It also has the capacity to borrow $15 billion and is – or was – expecting to make $34 billion this year. Costs of cleaning up this disaster will reach $123 million…and climbing.  BP was planning to give its shareholders $10.5 billion of that cheese. They may have to take IOUs.

The President will have to take a break from kicking ass, however to hear the bitchin’ from oil industry workers about his moratorium on offshore oil drilling. Tobacco workers complained, too, about all that silly nonsense suggesting smoking kills.

Hey, Mr. President, here’s a thought: let’s retrain all those roughnecks and put them to work building solar panels and wind turbines and lithium batteries. I understand we just struck the mother lode. Just a thought.

Oh yea…and one final, little tinsy-tiny note: The National Hurricane Center center says a very unusual early season Cape Verde-type weather system half-way between Africa and South America might grow into the season’s first tropical depression.

The good news is forecast models are not – so far – giving it much chance to survive into a storm.