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The well is dead? 14th Amendment, too?

GulfOilRig

“Ding Dong! The Well is dead. Which old well? The Wicked Well!
Ding Dong! The Wicked Well is dead.
Wake up, you sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Ding Dong, the Wicked Well is dead. It’s gone where the goblins go,
Below – below – below. Yo-ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Wicked Well is dead!”

Or so, they tell us.

Not that we doubt them, of course. They’ve been so accurate and truthful in the past.

And following up on the news that static clings…er…kills and mud jams have permanently killed the Deepwater Horizon Well, the guv’munt says everything’s gonna be okay.

“The government is expected to announce on Wednesday that three-quarters of the oil from the Deepwater Horizon leak has already evaporated, dispersed, been captured or otherwise eliminated — and that much of the rest is so diluted that it does not seem to pose much additional risk of harm,” reports today’s New York Times.

Even the President of the United States and the First Family will take a brief vacation to the Gulf Coast this weekend. I guess. Is that still on?

Nevermind, we can all go home now…those of us who still have homes…and jobs…and a way of life…and, okay, we still don’t know for sure how much damage this catastrophe has caused nor what permanent damage has been done to the Gulf of Mexico and its vast diversity of life.

I guess all that’s left are criminal charges and enormous fines!

But in the meantime, we can go back to hating each other.

Speaking of which, here come the Republicans, ever trying to top themselves for creating division and spawning fear and hatred just in time for elections!

We have some of Capitol Hill’s top GOPers saying maybe it’s time to revisit – or eliminate entirely – the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

You know the 14th Amendment, of course, it’s the one which reads, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”

It’s also the one with the Equal Protection Clause which keeps states from enacting laws to discriminate against groups of people they don’t like. Its Due Process Clause says the Bill of Rights apply to everyone setting foot in the United States of America.

The 14th Amendment was adopted in 1868, right after the Civil War by a Congress seeking to overturn the infamous Dred Scott Decision of the Supreme Court which held slaves – African-Americans – were not nor could ever be citizens of the land which held them in slavery.

But the ranking Republican in today’s U.S. Senate, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, said over the weekend maybe it’s time to revisit that amendment. His sentiments were echoed by John Kyl of Arizona and Lindsey Graham of South Carolina.

“I haven’t made a final decision about it, but that’s something that we clearly need to look at,” McConnell told The Hill newspaper.

Yes, yes indeed. And, hey senators, while you’re at it why not revisit the whole issue of slavery, too? Maybe what this country needs is another good civil war! Maybe that would excite the Republican base!

Seriously, are these people living in the same century as you and me?

Send in the clowns…

scaryclown

The only thing more pathetic than white folks whining about charges of racism is Christians whining about Muslims wanting to build a mosque.

And, very often, it’s the same whiners whining about both!

Grow up, people. You are not the only ones on this planet and you don’t have all the answers.

It never ceases to be amazing how white people react with such venom when anyone points out obvious racism.

Some redneck spits, “Obama plan: white slavery!”

Someone else points out the obvious.

Then some other redneck says, “Why that’s racism, accusing me of racism. You racist!”

Ha-ha-ha! It’s almost laughable, really…except it’s so sad.

The NAACP calls out the obvious racism of TeaParty chants and signs and messages and the teabaggers get their lily white noses outa joint and say, “it’s racist to call us racists.”

The next thing you know some right-wing kook with a blog and TV show puts out a video tape of a USDA official – who just oh so coincidentally happens to be African-American – and gets the NAACP all twisted up and playing defense.

By this time, the racists are demanding today’s equivalent of a lynching as sacrifice to the white power structure and the USDA official is fired.

Oh…but, gosh, who could have seen this coming? The racists edited the tape, told a big ol’ whopping bald-faced lie and now everyone is sorry and the USDA is taking everything back. Sorry. Our bad.

“They just want to stir up some trouble, it seems to me in my opinion,” said a humble Georgia white farmer of the right-wing attempts to seek retribution against African-American public servants.

“Stir up trouble.” That’s the age-old tactic for fighting back from a place of cowardice.

And racists are world-class cowards.

So are fundamentalist Christians and Bumper-Sticker ‘Murkins who get outa joint about Muslims wanting to build an Islamic Center in Manhattan, near the former site of the World Trade Towers and everyone goes postal. Sad.

Oh…but wait…this just in…

Maybe there IS something more pathetic than all that. It’s the Florida Legislature!

The Republican majority Legislature took less than an hour on Tuesday to tell former Republican Gov. Chain Gang Charlie Crist to take his proposed offshore oil drilling ban and stick down the Deepwater Horizon drill hole.

Crist, now an independent and running for the U.S. Senate, called the lawmakers to Tallahassee for the express purpose of drafting a constitutional amendment for Sunshine State voters that would have, if adopted on the ballot in November, placed a permanent ban on oil drilling in Florida waters.

No matter that over 70 percent of Florida voters favor an oil drilling ban, the Republican majority in the legislature was having nothing to do with impeding the ability of Big Oil to foul the coasts.

Well, that and the fact that oil barons gave legislators nearly $300,000 between January 2009 and March 2010…with an additional $185,000 to the Florida GOBP. (And, for the record, $77,000 to the Florida Democratic Party.)

Miffed that Crist continues to lead the U.S. Senate race even after they kicked him out of the GOBP, the Republicans in the legislature said the special session was “because of politics.” Imagine that.

Florida’s Chief Financial Officer Alex Sink, the leading Democratic candidate to replace Crist at the governor’s mansion called the legislature, “a complete failure.”

“Instead of action, the tone deaf Florida Legislature has been twiddling their thumbs,” she said, pointing out the lawmakers should have also addressed the severe economic hits taken by people and businesses in the Florida Panhandle because of the oil spill.

Oil gusher plugged. How ’bout some pieholes?

TeaPartyRacism

The oil gusher on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico is capped and Washington is rattled by an earthquake.

Coincidence?

Hmmm….Did passage of a Wall Street reform bill play any role in any of this? (Maybe it would have if any real reform had been passed.)

Hmmm…did anyone ever see Ringo Starr and Yasser Arafat in the same room at the same time?

Did someone forget to tell HTC-Columbia’s Mark Renshaw there is NO HEAD-BUTTING in Le Tour de France?

All thanks and praise be to Glenn Beck for revealing to us that politically progressive people are enemies of God.

“The word was, ‘hot dog.’ And we ate it!” – Pastor Rod Flash.

Back in D.C. the both Republicans and Democrats were quick to…wait for it…find fault with each other in the earthquake. (Credit: @DCDebbie)

Fox News found the fault lay in the Black Panthers Movement…of the 1960s.

As U2 once suggested: shake, rattle and hmmm…

Thank heavens, the Teabaggers were quick to deny any and all racism in the racist tea party rants such as those from teabag leader Mark Williams who posted on his blog, MarkTalk.com, a whimsical imaginary letter from the NAACP to President Lincoln:

Dear Mr. Lincoln

We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing.  Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards.  That is just far too much to ask of us [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People and we demand that it stop!

In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week.  We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

…rant…rant…rant…taxes…tea parties not racist…taxes…rant…whatever…

…Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever.  We had a great gig.  Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by someone else.  Please repeal the 13th and 14thAmendments and let us get back to where we say that belong.

Sincerely

Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew,  National Association for the Advancement of Colored People Head Colored Person

Nope, no racism in that at all.

Just can’t imagine where folks come up with the idea these right-wing fascists are racists.

And morons.

The Fox & the GOP Hen House.

fox-news-billboard

Sen. Byrd and Sen. Kennedy can now resume their sometimes heated, sometimes cordial debates to delight of God – because she will appreciate the unparalleled thoughtfulness and intelligence.

In many ways, Sen. Byrd’s growth as a legislator and person embodied the growth of the American people in the 20th Century: from narrow-minded fear to an embrace of a much broader view of the world and compassion.

Ah, yes, but if only we could drag along that boisterous minority that clings to fear as its primary motivation.

Fear of losing something they have.

Fear of not getting something they want.

Fear of others acting in ways they deem inappropriate.

Fear in the electorate is fueled by the desire of the political minority to achieve ultimate power. But those seeking power at all costs fail to understand electoral power in the good ol’ US of A can’t be realized without…um…the backing of the people. At least, not yet.

And one-dimensional historical interpretations can not tell a complete or accurate story.

Take, for example, the small minority who fear the Obama Presidency. Who knows why they really fear President Obama. Who knows if it makes any sense, politically or philosophically? It’s just fear and fear – by any measure – is irrational.

The President could hold a press conference today to announce the sky will continue to remain blue and Fox News would immediately campaign to its minions to oppose such an outlandish projection.

The GOP once found Fox News convenient and useful. Having an entire network at a political party’s disposal is very useful, indeed, and unprecedented in American politics. But it’s been quite evident for a while that rather than the GOP controlling Fox News, the Fox has been put in charge of guarding the GOP hen house.

The GOP has grown increasingly cloistered in the hollow and howling absurdities of the Fox.

Never before has such a weak and fear-driven minority been given such a disproportionately loud voice.

One of Fox News’ latest campaigns has been to demonize – yet again – the Obama Administration’s successful effort to get Gulf of Mexico destroyer BP to cough up $20 billion for an escrow fund to pay for damage.

According to a CNN poll, 85 percent of Americans support that move by the President. Only 5 percent of Americans think President Obama has been too tough on BP.

And, yet, Fox News trot scores of protagonists to defend BP against the harsh attacks by President Obama. The Fox is shoutin’ but the chickens ain’t listenin’.

Maybe rather than Fox, the network should rename itself the News That Cried Wolf.

One final note: Frances Cobb Hart would have turned 81 today. Bless her.

Gen. Gabby McFlaplips and crow for lunch…

ObamaMcChrystal

“Ah, yes, General, come on in.”

“Um…er…Mr. President. How are you this morning?”

“Oh I’m just fine, General. What could go wrong on this fine day? We have in the Gulf the nation’s worst environmental disaster ever. The economy continues to struggle. Republicans continue to act out and, as you know, this war thing in Afghanistan continues to be difficult. Just one thing after another but I’m having a great day…again.”

“Um…er…yes, sir, Mr. President. You were certainly handed a plate full dog crap when you took office.”

“Well, no one said this job was easy. So, what can I do for you today, General?”

“Um…er…well sir, you asked me to stop by.”

“Oh yes, that’s right. I did, didn’t I? So, how’s it going? What’s new?”

“Um…er…well…sir, the offensive in the Helmand Province is not going so we–…”

“Yes, yes…I’m aware of that. Say, General, when you’re not off fightin’ and snake-eating and stuff, what do you do for fun?”

“Um…er…excuse me, Mr. President?”

“You know, what do you like to do on your down time? I like basketball and golf and reading. You read much, General?”

“Um…er…well, Mr. President. I like to read, yes, history mostly; war history.”

“Yes, indeed. I like magazines, too. Oh, look, here’s the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Ever read Rolling Stone, General?”

“Well…sir…I…”

“Yea, it’s been a favorite of mine over the years. Used to love to read Bill Greider and even P.J. O’Rourke – the funniest damn conservative of all – and, of course, bow your heads when we say his name, The Doctor. Just glad folks like Matt Taibbi are keeping up the great tradition.”

“Um…er…yes, sir…um, Mr. President, sir…I…um…”

“Hey look at this. You’re in the latest issue! Wow, that’s awesome, dood. Didn’t make the cover, though. Lady Gaga did. But, still…”

“Um…er…Mr. President…I…er…”

“Let’s see what you have to say, here, General. I don’t often have the chance to read a magazine piece about someone while they’re sitting on my couch.”

“Well, er, Mr. President, about that piece…”

“Whoa, General, there’s some pretty rude stuff in here…Ambassador Eikenberry? The Vice-President? Bite me? Really?”

“Mr. President, sir…I…I…”

“Well, General, we’ll need to talk about this. Wanna stay for lunch? We’re having sautéed crow and ice cold cans of whoop-ass. Bring your snakes and come with me. I’ll tell you about Lincoln and General McClellan. It’s a great story. You’ll like this.”

Tony Hayward: I’d rather be sailing…

BOByachtFarr52

An important message from British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward:

Dear American Friends,

I am happy to report to you, this morning, from the lovely weather and clear seas of the British coast where we all enjoyed a most spectacular weekend racing aboard my beloved Farr 52 yacht, “Bob,” in the legendary Round the Island Race hosted by JP Morgan and the Island Yacht Club.

Oh, I know what you may be thinking: why in the world would Ol’ Tony go racing while that nasty oil is still leaking slightly into the Gulf of Mexico?

But let me re-emphasis my point. This was the Round the Island Race, one of the most important yacht races of the year in Britain and as anyone will tell you racing proficiently on the Solent is challenging for any sailor.

It was not all champagne and roses, let me tell you. We only managed a forth place finish, due to extremely poor crew work on the start. The sandwiches were mushy by lunch time and the beer a bit flat.

To top it all off, we were beaten by our old nemesis John Caulcutt aboard his 57-foot Swan ketch…a KETCH, for God’s sake!!

Nonetheless it was exciting to see 1,600 yachts out on the water with spinnakers flying.

Let me be clear, also, to some of you naysayers. This was no ordinary race; not like racing around the Mississippi Sound from some of those miserable excuses for yacht clubs in Biloxi and Gulfport. Sailing at night between the unlit drill pipes is harrowing.

Sure, the Southern Yacht Club is very nice but, really, yachting on the square waves of Lake Ponchartrain is piss-poor compared to the majestic waters around the Isle of Wight.

What I mean is I realize that nasty little business in the Gulf of Mexico has disrupted the lives of many small people but it was good to get my life back for a bit and be among my mates racing the wind and that buggery Swan ketch.

After all, the Gulf of Mexico is a very big body of water; the world’s biggest lake, really. And the amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.

Please, we have lots of ocean left and let me tell you it was glorious this weekend on The Channel.

Yes, yes, yes. I know we told you in the beginning the Deepwater Horizon rig was only leaking about 5,000 barrels a day. But we have since revised that figure, trying to be accurate always, to perhaps around 100,000 barrels a day…give or take a few thousands barrels a day.

And, yes, I know BP stock has lost roughly have its value since the little incident began but let me assure you we have plenty of cash so the small people needn’t worry. You’ll get your pittance when we’re ready for you to have it.

In the meantime, I have much more important matters to consider. I realize after this weekend’s racing, I probably need to upgrade Bob’s sail computers and I’m thinking, maybe, a new set of sails might be in order.

Cheerio! And good luck to you all, fair weather and good sailing!

Hurricane Toxic Stu…

Welcome to Hurricane Season 2010!

Here to throw out the ceremonial first pitch is international energy conglomerate, British Petroleum!! Or – as its marketing campaign once told us – “Beyond Petroleum.”

That’s right: Beyond Petroleum all the way into destroying one of the world’s great oceans. But all this is really stressing out BP CEO Tony Hayward. He wants his life back. Maybe he should give back some of his $8 million salary & bonus.

Hurricane Season 2010 could be a very active season; or it could be an also-ran in the history of great hurricane seasons. We always hope for the later but prepare for the former.

As an expert hurricane watcher and emergency management director once said, “it only takes one storm to make it a really bad year.”

Maybe the National Hurricane Center should suspend the normal alphabetical listing of storm names and call the first Gulf storm, “Hurricane Toxic Stu.”

‘Cause that’s what it’s gonna be.

Estimates suggest the Gulf of Mexico now contains between 44 million and 100 million gallons of oil, just sloshing about on the surface and in large undersea plumes. Add to that nearly 1 million gallons of potentially deadly chemicals have been added to the noxious mash by BP in an effort to break up the oil. (Can you spell, Corexit?)

In short, the Gulf of Mexico has become a poisonous gumbo just waiting to be served up hot and with gusto by a hurricane churning its way up the suffering sea.  Crude oil and potentially cancer-causing chemicals are not something we want to see added to the already deadly potential of hurricanes.

Devastating wind, 8 to 10 foot storm surge, oil-soaked battering rain and toxic chemicals could make any landfalling storm in the Gulf even more deadly than usual – and potentially for many years to come. Way beyond petroleum.

Oh sure, the chemicals are safe enough – says BP, the EPA & the Coast Guard.

Corexit, one of the main chemicals being poured into the oil to break it up into smaller, less obvious chunks, is absolutely safe according to its manufacturer, Nalco or Napierville, IL.

“Prompt deployment of Nalco COREXIT® oil spill dispersants is one very effective and proven method of minimizing the impact of a spill on the environment,” says the Nalco website. “ When the COREXIT dispersants are deployed on the spilled oil, the oil is broken up into tiny bio-degradable droplets that immediately sink below the surface where they continue to disperse and bio-degrade.”

Wait…what? Biodegrade? Molecules that once made up dinosaurs and have laid deep in the earth’s crust for millions of years only to be sucked out again and used for fuel? Biodegrade? Really? Hydrocarbons?

Whachu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?

Ah, yes, but the EPA  says the shelf life of the chemical is unlimited. The EPA also suggests taking great precautions when handling the stuff.

“Avoid prolonged breathing of vapors. Use with ventilation equal to unobstructed outdoors in moderate breeze. Avoid eye contact. Avoid contact with skin and clothing. Remove contaminated clothing, including shoes, after flushing has begun. If irritation persists, seek medical attention. For open systems where contact is likely, wear long sleeve shirt, chemical resistant gloves, and chemical protective goggles.”

Okay…no problem. Oh, and one last comment from the Nalco website:

“By keeping the oil from adhering to wildlife COREXIT dispersants effectively protect the environment.”

Hurricane Toxic Stu.

Dear Mr. President…

Dear Mr. President,

I’m sure you read about this in the news:

The Gulf of Mexico is being strangled to death and with it all the living creatures who call it home.

The Gulf is being strangled to death by oil, greed, politics, inaction and a lack of imagination. But mostly it’s the oil. Consumptive greed is but the root cause.

We need your help.

We don’t need commissions and investigations and anger. We already have plenty of frustration and anger, enough to last for a long time.

We need action. We need to, first, stop the hemorrhaging. We need, first, to stop the volcano of oil. There will be plenty of time later for commissions and investigations and finger pointing and, maybe, arrests and prosecutions.

A lot of people, these days, find it somehow satisfying to shout about smaller government. They are foolish and small-minded. What we need right now is just about the biggest federal government we can imagine.

We need all the power and resources and energy and creativity of our people brought together by government to stop this disaster and stop it now.

The death of the Gulf of Mexico would mean the death of our region and if our region dies can our nation survive?

Mr. President. I voted for you and I support you. With tears of joy streaming down my cheeks as the historic importance of that vote swept over me, I cast my ballot with a political hope I’d long ago forgotten.

I want you to succeed. You were handed the worse national troubles since Hoover turned over the White House to Roosevelt in 1930. It could not have been much worse. We understand that and you’re digging us out of that dreadful hole and we’re grateful.

But, Mr. President, all your good works will be for naught if the Gulf of Mexico is destroyed.

The nation gets 30 percent of its seafood from the Gulf of Mexico. Nearly 20 percent of the Gulf is now closed to fishing. We may be testing Gulf seafood for contamination for a decade or longer.

Less than 30 percent of our oil comes from the Gulf. That’s a dreadful trade-off.

But it’s not just about the seafood. It’s about a natural resource so profoundly important our human minds cannot fully comprehend it. It’s about wildlife, sure, and fish and marine mammals and countless plants and animals.

But it’s also about people, the people of the Gulf of Mexico; millions and millions of people who – for one reason or another – are so intrinsically tied to the Gulf of Mexico that it is part of them. And we are part of it.

Allowing the Gulf of Mexico to die is allowing us to die – all of us, all living creatures through whose very being flows the Gulf of Mexico.

Mr. President, allowing the Gulf of Mexico to be strangled will be – and is – a crime of the highest magnitude.

The United States of America is better than that. We can soar to the moon and back. We can create astounding advances in technology, energy, medicine, compassion.

We need you now. We elected you to right a sinking ship of state. Act now and be the captain we elected you to be. We cannot save a ship from the bottom of a dead sea.

Respectfully,

The People of the Gulf of Mexico.

Seize BP…

It’s been a month.

The Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded on April 20. An oil volcano 5,000 feet below, on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico, has been gushing hundred of thousands of gallons of oil for 30 days.

Chemicals poured into the lethal mix to disperse the oil add to toxic stew.

Will the Gulf of Mexico survive this gross negligence?

Almost 20 percent of the Gulf of Mexico is now closed to fishing.

BP & the U.S. government have maintained all along the gusher has bee pouring 210,000 gallons of oil and gas each day into the Gulf. The evidence is now pretty clear: the rate is more like 1.1 million gallons each day – or close to 33 million gallons since the explosion occurred.

Why is this travesty not being treated as criminal negligence? Why are the top officials of BP, Transocean and Halliburton still walking around as free men? Why have then not been placed into custody?

Why has the U.S. government not seized the assets of those companies? Why have they not been shut down?  Why have the assets of those companies not be placed into a trust to immediately begin saving the Gulf’s wildlife and provide assistance to the hundreds of thousands of Gulf Coast residents whose communities and livelihoods have been – or will soon be – decimated by this travesty?

Why has the full force of the federal government, even the military if necessary, not been called in to stop this murder of one of the world’s great oceans?

Seriously.

We go crazy over terrorism. We stand on chairs and scream bloody murder because we fear some poor, barely-surviving Mexican might be within our borders without proper authorization. We rant incessantly about meaningless ideologies of right vs. left. We threaten financial institutions and – maybe, just maybe – pretend to have reined them in.

By its own figures, BP earned $5.6 billion in profits in the first quarter of 2010, a 135 percent increase over profits of the 2009 First Quarter. It earned $17 billion in profits in all of 2009.

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled in the Citizens United case corporations should be treated as individuals, allowed to give as much money as they wished to politicians and office-seekers.

If corporations are now to be treated as individuals why should we not seize BP, Transocean & Halliburton? Why should the officers of those corporations not be arrested and charged with high crimes?

How long will this disaster be allowed to continue without a day of reckoning for those responsible and restitution made for the damage?

What is the price that should be paid if the Gulf of Mexico is destroyed?

Pundits, poll dancing and pole…dancing!

So, Sestak made a spectre outa Specter.

In Arkansas, Halter made Lincoln blanch.

A teabagger who’s kinda not really a teabagger kicked GOP ass for the Senate in Kentucky but didn’t even get as many votes as did the Democratic loser.

And John Murtha’s ghost and former staffer, Mark Critz, takes his seat in Pennsylvania thereby proving no one knows what they’re talking about – ever – when it comes to election predictions.

That about sum it up for May 18 primary election day in the US of A?

To be sure, everyone’s claiming victory and, well, isn’t that what primary elections are all about? All the pundits are saying they’re right about this being the year of the anti-incumbent. The GOP is claiming victory, even though it’s a pyrrhic victory at best. The Democrats don’t know WHAT to think…

…mostly because Specter made fools of them all and their golden boy in Connecticut turns out to be a big fat liar…just like Republicans.

With the exception of the Sestak and Halter performances, it was overall a pretty dang embarrassing day. Seriously, is this the best we can do?

Here’s a novel idea: Hey, politicians and office seekers! Why don’t you try being honest and authentic??? Hmmm??

Just a thought.

There is some good news for Washington, however. The nation’s capital is absolutely guaranteed to get some fresh young talent: the Washington Wizards, the semi-professional NBA team, gets first pick of the top college players come draft day.

And speaking of fresh young talent, it’s a pretty safe bet that’s not who took down U.S. Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana. I mean, really. The question must be raised: “who the hell would want to see that guy naked? Seriously.

Meanwhile, oil continues filling up the Gulf of Mexico. “Jane! How do you stop this crazy machine?!!”

We really don’t know, exactly, how much oil is gushing from the underwater oil volcano. I guess, maybe, we’ll figure it out when the Gulf gets topped off…or the Florida Keys are lost forever.

There is good news, though. The U.S. Coast Guard now says the tar balls found along the Key West shoreline over the weekend are definitely not from the northern Gulf oil spill. Not the same kind of oil, says the Coast Guard.

Mostly likely the remains of a few tourists who didn’t survive a Duval crawl.

Which brings us, finally, to Miss USA and her pole dancing skills. It seems there is still a lot we Westerners don’t understand about Islam. She was, for the record, facing east in those pole dancing photos and, clearly, she sticks to a serious regime of fitness. Few Christian or Jewish pole dancers have looked that good.

This simply demonstrates the wide diversity of views within Islam. And I think we can all appreciate a faith with suppleness and sinewy limbs.

Pit bulls, pigs & mama grizzlies

CONCERN: Gulf oil slick may be merging into Loop Current.

CLICK HERE for NOAA forecast maps, in motion.

An “emerging, conservative, feminist identity” is what Sarah Palin said late last week of a group of women opposed to women making their own choices on reproductive health.

The failed national office seeker who walked off the job – quit – as Alaska’s governor delivered a stirring call to action at a breakfast meeting of the Susan B. Anthony List.

“”The mama grizzlies, they rise up,” she said, to laughter, according to the Washington Post.

“You thought pit bulls are tough. You don’t want to mess with the mama grizzlies. And I think there are a whole lot of those in this room.”

What is it, exactly, that compels Palin to describer her and her supporters in animal metaphors? Hmmm…issues.

The grizzlies gathered in the room for the Susan B. Anthony List oppose the right of women to seek abortions. Nevermind that Susan B. Anthony was, herself, the ultimate advocate for women’s rights.

Palin went to tell the group of her own personal struggle when she discovered she was pregnant with a Down Syndrome child. She made the choice, she said, and now Trig is a blessing to her family. Ah, yes, the choice.

This would be good for conservatives to embrace feminism and equal rights for everyone!

He could see the Heritage Foundation create a new American Civility Rights Union or the American Enterprise Institute pledge to work with the American Conscience of Rights, Naturally.

We could even see a National Rifle Association convention where no one is allowed to be bring guns. We could text our votes to elect our first Miss USA who also happens to be Muslim. (See earlier: “emerging, conservative feminism.”)

Okay, okay…probably just dreaming.

We have big elections coming up tomorrow. At least the punditry is telling us they are big.  There will be a lot of talk over the next 48 hours about anti-incumbent fervor…hey, it’s mid-terms, what else do we have to talk about?

Pennsylvania: Tried and true Democratic U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak, a retired Admiral, is neck and neck with Democratic wannabe and veteran U.S. Senator Arlen Specter.

Arkansas: Maybe-she’s-too-Moderate Sen. Blanche Lincoln is facing a tough primary battle from Lt. Gov. Bill Halter, a favorite of slight more progressive people in the Democratic Primary.

Kentucky: Rand Paul, Libertarian eye-doctor and son of U.S. Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, appears headed for a victory in the Republican Primary for U.S. Senate to replace the retiring and certifiably whacky former major league pitcher Jim Bunning.

These primary battle and many others are sure to give everyone something to crow about.

Cinco de Mayo…with a side of conspiracy!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Okay all you Anglos with a tan, we’re headed to Arizona, donning our guayaberas and huaraches and telling the cops we brought our Coronas directly from Mexico!

Whoo-hoo!! We’re all Mexican today! Well, maybe not in Arizona; could get you arrested and charged with being brown.

Oh sure, Cinco de Maya is well-known as a kind of Mexican Independence Day, meant to commemorate Zapata’s victory over Napoleon at Veracruz but, hey, what’s that compared to drinking contests when you can drink so much tequila you think you’re speaking Spanish to that groovy looking chick who is actually from India.

Besides everyone knows Cinco de Mayo was started as a conspiracy to sell more Coronas to the gringos! Ha-Ha-Ha!! Zapata knew someday another Mexican would invent Corona beer and that gringos north of what would become the border would do anything to get it.

Just like Mother’s Day is a conspiracy, according to Gin Beck’sBeer on his radio show.

It’s been conspiracy week on all along the radio dial where you’ll find the right-wing-noise-machine. Everyone loves a good conspiracy of course, especially when you don’t have any substantive ideas to promote or solutions to propose.

Rant, baby, rant!!

In addition to Beck’s rant against Mother’s Day (rant against Mother’s Day…really, Glenn, really?), we have conspiracies to blow up the Gulf of Mexico oil well and that dastardly plot to read Miranda Rights to a U.S. Citizen arrested for a connection to the Times Square failed bomb attempt.

What will these morons think of next?

Oh, I know! How ‘bout U.S. Senator John McCain, Vietnam war hero (for being taken captive), defeated presidential candidate and all-around Maverick – though he now denies it – suggesting the Pakistani-born U.S. Citizen arrested in connection with the Times Square bombing attempt doesn’t need Miranda Rights?

Then, of course, pops up Heckuva-job-Brownie to say how the Obama Administration loves the Gulf oil spill because the President gets to pander to the environmentalists.

Takes a lot of tar balls washing up on the beach for Brownie to even show his face in public, let alone say something as goofy as that.

No, but seriously, Douche Limpbranch may be on to something by suggesting it was the environmental whackos who dove 5,000 feet into the Gulf of Mexico to intentionally blow up the Deep Horizon oil well and flood the Gulf of Mexico with crude…black gold…Texas tea…the New Gulf of Mexico.

That’s it!! That’s the conspiracy! We’ll just drain the Gulf of Mexico, fill it with oil and we can all head down to the beach with straws and snort it right up! Cut out the middle-man, cars and all those noisy machines.

Finally, when it comes to teabaggers affecting the outcomes of elections? Not so much apparently. Teabag candidates earned a massive-fail at the polls in Republican primaries in Ohio, Indiana and North Carolina.

“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
– Macbeth.