It seems there is a conspiracy among Baptists, led by Kentucky’s GOP nominee for the U.S. Senate, to worship a mysterious deity known to followers as the Aqua Buddha.
Oh sure, Rand Paul denies it now – while also claiming now to be a Presbyterian – but many years ago while a student at Baylor University and a member of the university-tormenting NoZe Brotherhood Paul allegedly tried to lead a female swim team member to the river to be baptized in weed and the Aqua Buddha. At least according to GQ Magazine.
“I will categorically deny that I ever kidnapped anyone or forced anybody to use drugs,” Paul said on the Faux News Channel.
Ah, yes, but you see here is where it went wrong. If he’d only attended Southern Methodist University he would have seen the light and realized the true path to Aqua Buddha enlightenment is pot brownies and beer.
At least we can thank him for launching Max & Davina with Sirius Isness and a world wide movement of trance floor fillers, the spearhead of the global trance explosion.
Somehow, I blame Sarah Palin.
And for Sharron Angle and Ken Buck, as well. These three, clearly stable human beings may just combine with Florida’s Medicaid-reimbursements-gone-wild potential GOP goober-natorial nominee Rick Scott could end up being the d’Artagnan, Athos, Porthos & Aramis of the 2010 political scene. (“tous pour un, un pour tous!”)
Only, with luck, no one gets beheaded.
Sharron Angle is the Nevada GOP nominee and Tea Party favorite to unseat U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and only a month ago her quest seemed a sure thing. But then she opened her mouth.
Out came such things, paraphrased here, as “hey, let’s kill Social Security,” and “maybe violent revolution is the way to reform this country.”
Then there’s Colorado GOP Senate nominee Ken Buck, who will face incumbent Democrat Mike Bennett who won his party’s nomination yesterday with the full support of President Obama.
Buck, who made it clear during the primary campaign he does not wear high heels and is not, therefore, a woman like his primary opponent also suggested his Tea Party compatriots who believe the President to have been born in Kenya just might be, as he so delicately put it, “dumbasses.” This endeared him to his base.
And, finally, we have Florida’s Rick Scott. A multi-millionaire and former CEO of the embattled Columbia-HCA hospital chain, Scott is spending $34 million of his own cheese to become governor of Florida because he sees how well current Gov. Charlie Crist has made out in that office.
Angry that GOP primary opponent Bill McCollum, Florida’s current attorney general and long-time political veteran, would question his company’s…er…”problem” with allegations of Medicare fraud found himself served him with a subpoena yesterday at the beginning of a hastily arranged press conference.
Scott was going to denounce McCollum for investigating the $1.7 billion Medicare fraud fine paid by HCA-Columbia a decade ago.
“This is a clear abuse of power. This is exactly what thugs do in third-world countries to keep power,” Scott said. “Bill McCollum is the Tonya Harding of Florida politics.”
Said the Tallahassee lawyer who served the subpoena, ““I’m doing God’s work. I’m not doing this for any campaign. This guy Scott is the corporate spawn of Satan.”
It seems everyone could use a little Aqua Buddha right about now. Or, maybe, Ramadan. Or, just maybe, the Transfiguration.