At least, according to yesterday’s ABC-Washington Post opinion survey:

58 percent of you think the President sucks.

68 percent of you think Democrats suck.

72 percent of you think Republicans suck.

150 percent of you think BP sucks.

80 percent of Ohioans think LeBron James sucks.

100 percent of South Floridans think Lebron James is a superhero and the greatest basketball player of all time and are danged glad to see him in a Heat uniform.

50 percent of you think the American League sucks.

50 percent of you think the National League sucks, even though it finally won an All-Star game.

78.3 percent of you are glad we no longer have to listen to Vuvuzelas bogging on the TeeVee Box speakers.

46 percent of you would rather vote for a sucky Democrat than a sucky Republican.

47 percent of you would rather vote for a sucky Republican than a sucky Democrat.

Ah, yes…but 42 percent of you think Democrats are less sucky on economic issues while only 34 percent of you think Republicans are less sucky on economic issues.

62 percent of you think the Congress wouldn’t suck so bad if it extended unemployment benefits. Another 36 percent said Congress would suck worse.

60 percent of Southeast Alabamians say they don’t want a Teabagger representing them in the Congress.

100 percent of Mama Grizzlies don’t always know when something is wrong and only read about their daughters’ re-engagement to baby daddy Levi Johnston on the cover of US Weekly magazine.

Pastor Mark Elliott told the TEDGlobal 2010 Conference in Oxford (England, not Mississippi) 80 percent of Americans believe in miracles.

First Lady Michelle Obama told the NAACP 80 percent of all Americans believe in Miracle Whip…and we should cut it out!

80 percent of all right-wing nut jobs believe First Lady Michelle Obama should leave our children alone and let them be fat.

55 to 60 percent of our food contains high fructose corn syrup.

Over the last 30 years, we’ve increased our consumption of high fructose corn syrup by 1000 percent.

In addition to making us fat, diabetic, lethargic and riddled with heart disease, .0000000003 percent of us (me) also think fructose makes us dumbasses.

It’s just that kind of messed up day. The New York Times can’t even report on the winter storm, apparently, because none of its reporters can get out of the building. The Old Grey Lady sent out a tweet earlier today – desperately seeking  help to report the story..

“Send us your stories,” read the tweet. “We’re trapped and we’re cannibalizing the once proud craft of journalism!”

(Okay…made up that last part…kinda.)

Don’t know why everybody wants to make fun of Sarah Palin’s hand job for the teabaggers last weekend. She was just trying to give them want they want.

Even the comic genius that is White House press spokesman Robert Gibbs stroked the meme by revealing to the White House press corps a short grocery list written on his palm. Ha-ha-ha…yea, that was a good one. Maybe when he’s done at the White House his brothers, Barry and Robin, will take him back and they can go on the road again…”stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive…”

Elsewhere in the White House, First Lady Michelle Obama was rolling out her campaign to end the epidemic of childhood obesity in a generation.

And when we say, “rolling out”… we don’t mean the kids who are…wait for it…so fat…wait for it…that when they sit around the house, the really sit around the house!

Okay, okay…sorry. This really is a serious problem for the US of A…mostly in the A and mid-section of kids who, studies suggest, consume an average – AVERAGE – of 145 pounds of high fructose corn syrup each year, mostly from soft drinks, fruity drinks, so-called sports drinks and processed foods.

The First Lady’s, “Let’s Move,” campaign is not a signal to Republicans the Obamas are ready for a new address come 2012 but rather a call to put down the Twinkies, get off the freakin’ couch and play some hoops…for heaven’s sake!

And speaking of Republicans, that fun-loving and clever bunch over at the Republican National Committee is doing its part to spread the VD love by offering Valentine’s Day e-cards for your friends or sex partners, even same-sex partners or all three!

You can send cards bearing the likeness of Rahm Emmanuel saying, “Happy [expletive] Valentine’s Day.” Or an ACORN spokesman saying, “We’d like to help you set up a tax free romance business.”

Oh, those witty RNC staffers…a barrel of monkeys are those guys! They missed a real opportunity, though, to send out Valentine’s Day cards from the likes of Gov. Mark Sanford, Sen. David Vitter, Sen. John Ensign, Rep. Mark Foley…or, even, Newt Gingrich or Justice Clarence Thomas.

Finally, our dreams have been answered! Google has given us YET ANOTHER social network through which we can totally waste what little time we have left from wasting our time on all the other social networks!

Google Buzz will offer diversions straight from your Gmail and keep you updated on what your friends are doing and posting on all their social networking sites. Great! SQUIRREL!!