You can tell because of the oily, greasy sheen on the radio dial.

You’ll remember – if you care to – Douche was recently married. Again. Number Four. Family values. And he must’ve gotten laid, once, on his honeymoon because like any good douche on a summer’s eve he’s full of piss and vinegar.

“There was not a recession (in 2008),” proclaimed the Douche only yesterday, as he babbled on, blaming the Obama Administration for the recession which didn’t happen then but is happening now.

Oh sure, rewriting history is nothing new to the right-wing fringe and the Douche is a master at it but, you see, the Douche has a problem.

No, not the obvious ones. He has a career problem. No, not the obvious ones. This one is serious.

To attract attention in Crazy Town, one has to be the bright and shiny object. The Douche was that bright and shiny object for many years. He had his hey-day railing against the Clintons back in the 90s and Bill gave him the perfect gift: a cigar and an intern.

But those glory days are long gone and other bright and shiny objects keep popping up in Crazy Town, getting brighter and shinier…and crazier…all the time. The competition is, unlike Douche without Viagra, stiff.

Gin BecksBeer, the Douche’s main rival high-jacked the Crazy Train some time ago. His rants make the Douche look like Mr. Rogers on OxyContin.

And even though the audience and advertisers have been fleeing Gin BecksBeer radio and TV shows like rats scurrying from a sinking ship, ol’ Gin continues to get crazier and crazier.

And, of course, the Douche’s ego can’t allow anyone to be crazier so he must, in turn, ratchet up the nonsense; get even shinier in Crazy Town; catapult the propaganda, as G.W. Bush might say.

So, now that’s he back he’s gonna dig deep into his bag of nonsense to tell us stuff like, Obama “wouldn’t have been voted President if he weren’t black.”

And, “If Obama weren’t black he’d be a tour guide in Honolulu.”

And, yes, in case you’re wondering: crazy, racism and poor grammar often go together.

Thank heavens, according to the Douche, we needn’t worry about the GOP and its future with Michael Steele in charge and telling us how Obama started the war in Afghanistan.

The center of the universe, says the Douche, is not the Republican National Committee.

“Its right here,” said the Douche. “The head of the RNC is not the Republican leader. He’s not the conservative leader. That’s me.”

OOOHHH…look…shiny!

It all worked perfectly!

Distract us by annihilating the Gulf of Mexico, smothering it in a blanket of oil and deadly chemicals and while we’re focused on that debacle go behind our backs to pretend to reform the hubris and greed of Wall Street – while in reality setting us up for even more catastrophe!

I love it when a plan comes together! MUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

The big news of the day will be, “Congress agrees on financial reform; the most significant financial reform since the 1930s.”

And that may be true – but this reform is nothing like the reform following the excesses that led to the Great Depression. No one on Wall Street is out. The big banks will continue to suck money directly from taxpayers and good, decent ‘Murkins. The rich will continue to get richer and the poor (the remaining 90 percent of us) can just suck it…oh, and get poorer.

And not only that, the “reform” will do nothing – nothing, I tell ya – to prevent exactly what happened in 2008 to bring us to the brink of another Great Depression.

Is this a great country or what?

Oh sure, sure; the bank reforms pretend to make corrections to the way megabanks take our loans, bundled them into packages, break them apart again and sell them while insuring them and making huge dollars at both ends of the deal gone wrong.

The reforms will require the big firms and banks to put their derivatives trade into smaller, so-called “outside” companies. But this is merely window-dressing, a shell game to give the appearance of magic.

What the reforms did not do is to bring back the Glass-Steagall Act, which prevented for nearly 50 years the financial games that brought us to the brink of ruin in 2008. Nope, neither Congress nor the Obama Administration was going to allow that – too much money and influence on the table from the big banks.

What the reforms also failed to do is to throttle back the megabanks. Sens. Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio, and Ted Kaufman, D-Delaware, tried to do that. The Brown-Kaufman Amendment to the financial reform package would have required the six biggest banks to be broken up into smaller institutions.

“To big to fail” would have relegated to the history books. But, oh no, we couldn’t let THAT happen. We need Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley to be HUGE so they next time – and some say soon – they blow up like balloons they can bring down the rest of us with them!

Like they nearly did in 2008.

So as you struggle to make your next mortgage payment or put food on your table or wonder how you will afford school next year for your kids remember this day when all of Washington was jubilant over financial reforms. We should remind them of the question asked by the great philosopher Janet “You can call me Miss” Jackson:

“What have you done for me, lately?”

Canada said to be amassing troops at the border…somewhere along the border…if we can find them…to invade in retaliation!

Okay, not really. But this does not bode well for US-Canadian relations. Making matters worse is the fact the USA is leading in the Canadian Olympics medal count.

How can this happen under an Obama Administration? That’s exactly what Republicans will be asking this week as they gather – reluctantly – under the klieg lights for another Obama Rodeo in which he will, no doubt, rope and hog-tie Congressional Republicans under the guise of getting agreement on health care reform.

Now, he has added incentive: holding off the Canadian invasion threat by trying to make our health care system look more like their health care system. The president will today announce a cap on health insurance premium increases – some of which have topped 31 percent lately – in an effort to appease the unruly and clearly agitated Canadians.

Republicans will be put in a tough spot. They will either have to go along or be blamed for not appeasing the Canadians and acquiescing to the looming invasion.

This is nasty business.

There is good news for Republicans, however. Texas Congressman Ron Paul won the CPAC straw poll over the weekend. Paul, the Libertarian, captured nearly one-third of the votes cast by the nearly one-third of CPAC attendees who bothered to cast a straw poll ballot at all.

This means Paul, who waged an independent run for the presidency in 2008, beat out the ever-lovely and vapid Mitt Romney for CPAC prom king, an embarrassing turn of events for Romney and Massachusetts because “the Mittens” has won the last three CPAC straw polls.

Unfortunately for him, he could not this year get support from even 25 percent of the nearly 30 percent who bothered to vote. Let’s see…25 percent of 30 percent is…divide by three…carry the one…um…not very many people.

And for the record, Sarah Palin only got 7 percent of the vote while Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, who spoke at the confab, garnered 6 percent of the vote…of the one-third who bothered to vote.

Oh well, the CPAC crowd is always much bigger on bombast and idle threats than on actual participatory democracy so votes and voting – not so much.

Meanwhile, some actually-elected Republicans are having a tough time ‘splainin’ why they so readily accepted money from President Obama’s initial stimulus plan when they railed so loudly against it.

According to the Wall Street Journal, more than a dozen Republican lawmakers supported requests for stimulus money while, at the same time, calling the $787 billion Obama program the worst thing since processed cheese.

Republican Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama, who called the stimulus, “the socialist way,” asked for $15 million in socialist cheese for his state’s cogongrass eradication program.

Wisconsin Republican Congressman Paul Ryan, who called the stimulus a “wasteful spending spree”, asked for enough socialist cheese to create 1,000 new jobs…perhaps in the Wisconsin cheese industry.

Texas Republican Senator John Cornyn explained in a Tweet from his magic Twitter machine there is no hypocrisy in this at all: “No contradiction to vote against reckless stimulus but if majority hell-bent to spend the money anyway, make sure Texas gets fair share.”