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Reagan raised taxes…a LOT!

Posted on October 11, 2010 By Steve Hart

Now that 10-10-10 has come and gone and we have to wait another year, one month and one day for 11-11-11 we can all look forward to 12-12-12 when, as we understand it, the end of the world should be just around the corner!!

But, hey, what did the Mayans know that we don’t already know? Hey, they ate themselves out of house and home.

Hum…does kinda sound familiar, though. Oh well, I’m sure the advent of President Palin in 2012 would not be any kind of harbinger or anything like that to be worried about. After all, wouldn’t she be the Second Coming – of President Reagan?

Why, yes, or at least that’s what all the right-wing radicals would have us believe. In Reagan we Trust!

As the noted philosopher, Carl the Groundskeeper, explained (paraphrased): “So, we got that goin’ for us.”

Reagan, as our libertarian-conservative hero/god, remains the ideal for many radicals today. They all want us to go back to the days of the Reagan Presidency when no one paid any taxes at all and the federal government shrank to include only one agency: the Defense Department.

What’s that you say? None of that is true? Really? It’s only a myth that Ronald Reagan cut taxes and eliminated the entire federal government when he simultaneously wiped the Soviet Union off the face of the map?

Former Wyoming Sen. Alan Simpson knew Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was a friend of Alan Simpson’s and as co-chair of President Barack Obama’s non-partisan National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility & Reform he felt compelled back in the summer to set the record straight on his pal, Ronald Reagan, and taxes. Pensito Review highlighted Sen. Simpson’s remarks:

“Let’s just disengage ourselves from the myth that Ronald Reagan never raised taxes,” Simpson told the commission last summer. “He did. And here are four big ones. So I hope this will clear the air for some of the groups today.

“In 1982, the Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act, that rolled back about a third of his ‘81 tax cuts, raised corporate tax rates, and to a lesser extent income tax rates. Raised taxes by almost 1 percent of GDP, which at that time was the largest percentage in peacetime increase ever.

“[The] 1982 gas tax increase. [The] 1983 Greenspan commission — we know so well; [fellow commission member Alice Rivlin] remembers — we all … raised payroll taxes for lower and middle income households to higher than they were before Reagan’s ‘81 tax cuts. Then there was the 1984 deficit reduction tax.

“Those are the big four. Then there was the Railroad Retirement Revenue Act, Consolidated Omnibus Budget of ‘85… ‘85…’87 Continuing Resolution, Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of ‘87, that was $8.6 billion

“So there were a lot of them. Just thought I’d throw that in.”

I get it. When the radical right-wing says, “Take America Back,” it is to the days of Reagan tax increases.

The value of 19 percent of the voters…

Posted on September 20, 2010 By Steve Hart

Alrighty, then! Here’s a great vision for ‘Murka:

The fundamentalist, backwoods Christians coming together with the Islamophobiacs coming together with the Tea Party curmudgeons to form a coalition promoting fear and hate of just about every dang thing we can imagine.

What fun!

The Values Voters Summit came together again in Washington this past weekend and, boy howdy, were they glad to see Tea Partiers come in to embrace their paranoia because they’d been losing steam recently given the fact that a person of color has occupied The White House for nearly two years and the Rapture hasn’t happened yet.

And so it was on this particular Sunday President Obama decided to go to church to prove, once and for all, how Muslim he really is. And it was a Kenyan Socialist church to boot!

But the good news over at the Values Voters club was despite all the chasms between the fundamentalist Christians, the Islamophobes and the tax haters they could unite behind their chosen leader for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination: Mike Pence!

Yes! Mike Pence! We’re on the road now!

Wait…wait…wait…who?

You know…Mike Pence: the four-term Republican congressman from, not making this up, Rushville, Indiana. Sure, he’s a household name.

He got 24 percent of the Value votes in the straw poll for President, outpacing last year’s winner, Mike “Huckleberry” Huckabee, who only managed 22 percent of the vote.

Mitt Romney was third with 13 percent and Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich garnered 10 percent of the Fundamentalist-TeaParty-Islamophobe vote.

Poor Sarah Palin only received 7 percent of the vote.

She probably needs to align herself more with the star of the weekend self-love fest, Delaware Republican Senatorial Nominee Christine O’Donnell, speaking of Eye-of-the-Newt sort of things… “Those fingers in my hair; that sly come-hither stare; that strips my conscience bare…”

“Bureaucrats and politicians in Washington think they should decide what kind of lightbulb we should use, what kind of toilet we flush, what kind of car we should drive,” said the GOP senatorial nominee and high school dabbler in witchcraft.

“They even want unelected panels of bureaucrats to decide who gets what lifesaving treatment. They’ll let your teenage daughter buy an abortion but they won’t let her buy a sugary soda in a school’s vending machine.”

That’s the kind of talk that makes sense…not reality…but sense to the Armageddon crowd.

And all this effort for the support of only 19 percent of ‘Murkan voters? Well, yea, but what else do they have to occupy their time?

And, finally, the U.S. Guv’munt declared yesterday the Deepwater Horizon oil well in the Gulf of Mexico is officially, “dead.”

The Gulf of Mexico, while not officially dead still ain’t feelin’ so well.

The liberal Bush years…

Posted on August 23, 2010 By Steve Hart

Here they go, again!

Those crazy liberals, wanting to subvert the laws of the nation and the constitution to keep off private property the practice of religion!

The framers of the constitution made it clear: no law shall be made respecting the establishment of religion or prohibiting the free expression thereof.

But these liberals: Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and the rest, want to liberally construe that fundamental right to exclude Muslims from it. Probably Methodists, too, if they thought they could!

They liberally apply hate to persuade the rest of us of their point of view.

Clearly, they are constitutional obstructionists who care little about the literal interpretation of the nation’s original founding framework.

Many of them also, apparently, want to go back to the days of the liberal George Bush Administration.

You remember the liberal Bush Administration, of course. How can we forget? It’s indelibly etched on our check books.

George Bush took a $46 billion budget surplus from the Clinton Administration in 2000 and liberally spent it to once again turn ours into a debtor nation.

Bush took the nation’s budget deficit to $2.2 trillion in just his first three years while liberally increasing federal spending by 22 percent. By the end of his term the budget deficit remain around $1.85 trillion.

George Bush liberally took us to war – twice, against two entire nations – all the while insisting we weren’t fighting Islam but, rather, a small pocket of insane criminals and political ideologues.

George Bush liberally ran up the national debt in doing so.

And if that wasn’t enough, George Bush liberally changed the nation’s tax code to give the wealthiest 1 percent of us a very liberal break on their taxes.

Plenty of people want to continue those liberal policies, especially the liberally benefitted wealthy 1 percent who know hold all the power…and 80 percent of all the money.

With the liberal tax cuts in place, Bush and the liberal Republican Congress went about setting the greatest spending spree in U.S. history, culminating of course in the very liberal and generous $700 billion bailout of a number of financial firms suddenly disintegrating.

The firms disintegrated because of a stark and liberal relaxation of the financial industry’s regulation.

But unhappy with the conservative approach to governance by the Obama Administration, these liberals want to return to the days of free spending, tax cuts for the rich, war and liberally applied doses of religious intolerance and xenophobia.

Newt, Rush, Sarah: we don’t need your liberal ways anymore!

President defend the Constitution? How dare he!!

Posted on August 16, 2010 By Steve Hart

Elvis has been dead (maybe) for only 33 years and, yet, look what this country has become:

A President of the United States can stand up, defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and you people, so torn by fear and paranoia, go berserk with angry rhetoric and condemnation.

What? The President defending the Constitution? Why, that’s…that’s…just downright un-American!

“And a baby cries…in the ghetto…” Oh Elvis, why’d you have leave us (maybe)?

Seriously, can you people hear what you’re saying?

On defending the right in the United States to worship as one pleases, Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich said the President is “pandering to radical Islam.”

Sarah Palin refudiated the President’s defense of the Constitution by acknowledging Muslims, like everyone else, have a right to worship anywhere they please in the U.S. of A. But “should they?,” she asks.

Peter King, a Republican congressman from New York, suggested President Obama is rubbing salt in the wound of 9/ll by pointing out the Constitution defends the right to worship as we are lead to worship.

In case you’ve been under a rock since Friday or catching oil soaked shrimp in the Gulf of Mexico, the President of the United States, speaking to a gathering of Muslims celebrating the beginning of the holy month of Ramadan with a White House dinner, pointed out what every American first grader knows:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

The President’s defense of basic rights just didn’t sit well with basic right-winters; hate-mongers dedicated to dividing us against ourselves at every turn. No siree Bob. We can’t have a country where all are welcomed! That just won’t do and, besides, they don’t have a clear enough message to drive people to the voting booth unless they scare the bejeebers out of us with fear and paranoia.

So, okay, let’s a few points straight:

Islam didn’t attack us on September 11, 2001. A group of extremists, criminal radicals known as Al Qaeda attacked us on September 11, 2001. They happened to be Muslim and are led by Muslim heretics.

Islam didn’t attack us on September 11, 2001. A group of extremists, criminal radicals known as Al Qaeda attacked us on September 11, 2001. They happened to be Muslim and are led by Muslim heretics.
Right-Wing Muslim radicals and extremists are not alone in their violent rhetoric and actions. Christian and Jewish extremists and radicals can match them word for word and, mostly, act for act.
If we have any chance at all of overcoming this kind of violent action by religious heretics and dangerous thugs, we have to stand strong for the ideals which establish the very core of this great social experiment we call America. It doesn’t matter if our own radicals don’t like it very much, everyone is welcome to worship as they please.

And besides, all three great Abrahamic faiths – Jewish, Muslim & Christian – require us to acknowledge and treat as brothers and sisters those of the other faiths.

Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and the rest of the radical paranoids have a right in America to say whatever they wish about others…but should they?

Aqua Buddha and the Three Musketeers!

Posted on August 11, 2010 By Steve Hart

While the right-wing crazies wait with baited breath to see if President Obama will at some point during this month of Ramadan even glance toward the east, we have a much bigger problem.

It seems there is a conspiracy among Baptists, led by Kentucky’s GOP nominee for the U.S. Senate, to worship a mysterious deity known to followers as the Aqua Buddha.

Oh sure, Rand Paul denies it now – while also claiming now to be a Presbyterian – but many years ago while a student at Baylor University and a member of the university-tormenting NoZe Brotherhood Paul allegedly tried to lead a female swim team member to the river to be baptized in weed and the Aqua Buddha. At least according to GQ Magazine.

“I will categorically deny that I ever kidnapped anyone or forced anybody to use drugs,” Paul said on the Faux News Channel.

Ah, yes, but you see here is where it went wrong. If he’d only attended Southern Methodist University he would have seen the light and realized the true path to Aqua Buddha enlightenment is pot brownies and beer.

At least we can thank him for launching Max & Davina with Sirius Isness and a world wide movement of trance floor fillers, the spearhead of the global trance explosion.

Somehow, I blame Sarah Palin.

And for Sharron Angle and Ken Buck, as well. These three, clearly stable human beings may just combine with Florida’s Medicaid-reimbursements-gone-wild potential GOP goober-natorial nominee Rick Scott could end up being the d’Artagnan, Athos, Porthos & Aramis of the 2010 political scene. (“tous pour un, un pour tous!”)

Only, with luck, no one gets beheaded.

Sharron Angle is the Nevada GOP nominee and Tea Party favorite to unseat U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and only a month ago her quest seemed a sure thing. But then she opened her mouth.

Out came such things, paraphrased here, as “hey, let’s kill Social Security,” and “maybe violent revolution is the way to reform this country.”

Then there’s Colorado GOP Senate nominee Ken Buck, who will face incumbent Democrat Mike Bennett who won his party’s nomination yesterday with the full support of President Obama.

Buck, who made it clear during the primary campaign he does not wear high heels and is not, therefore, a woman like his primary opponent also suggested his Tea Party compatriots who believe the President to have been born in Kenya just might be, as he so delicately put it, “dumbasses.” This endeared him to his base.

And, finally, we have Florida’s Rick Scott. A multi-millionaire and former CEO of the embattled Columbia-HCA hospital chain, Scott is spending $34 million of his own cheese to become governor of Florida because he sees how well current Gov. Charlie Crist has made out in that office.

Angry that GOP primary opponent Bill McCollum, Florida’s current attorney general and long-time political veteran, would question his company’s…er…”problem” with allegations of Medicare fraud found himself served him with a subpoena yesterday at the beginning of a hastily arranged press conference.

Scott was going to denounce McCollum for investigating the $1.7 billion Medicare fraud fine paid by HCA-Columbia a decade ago.

“This is a clear abuse of power. This is exactly what thugs do in third-world countries to keep power,” Scott said. “Bill McCollum is the Tonya Harding of Florida politics.”

Said the Tallahassee lawyer who served the subpoena, ““I’m doing God’s work. I’m not doing this for any campaign. This guy Scott is the corporate spawn of Satan.”

It seems everyone could use a little Aqua Buddha right about now. Or, maybe, Ramadan. Or, just maybe, the Transfiguration.

Takes one to know one!!

Posted on July 28, 2010 By Steve Hart

BREAKING NEWS: Here, on the 100th day of the Gulf Oil Disaster, the New York Times announces the Gulf is all good now. Nothing to see…move along…go on about your business…thanks for playin’. Gee, who knew it would be so easy?

So…Rally ‘round all you God-fearin’ Bumper-Sticker ‘Murkins!

We are withdrawin’ from the Republicans! We are withdrawin’ from the Democrats! We are withdrawin’ from the Libertarians and the Teabaggers and the Green Party and, especially, the Presbyterians!

We are withdrawin’ from the Independents!

Wait…do the independents have an organization? Do the anarchists have an organization?

Nevermind…We’re startin’ our own movement to lead us further into the deep abyss known as peaceful, absolute and irrefutiadable IG-NURNCE!

That’s right, boyz & girlz, we the unknowing, led by the unwilling…or sumpthin’ like that…are takin’ matters into our hands! Hizzah!! More Sugar!!

This is why our country was founded on the principles of freedom and tolerance and expression and respect for each other! This is why we go to church every dang Sunday to learn about love – ‘cause we’re sick of THOSE people!!

We are today announcing the newest political movement in ‘Murka – and, by golly, only ‘Murkins can join!

The Decidedly Uninformed Mostly-Bubbas Assigned to Sectarian Slobbering, or D.U.M.B.A.S.S, will make the teabaggers look like the WCTU on Decoration Day, all fluffy and sweaty in them flowerdy hats and polyester moo-moos!

And we’re announcing our list of charter members, so honored for their enormous contributions to an egalitarian society where mutual respect is cherished above all else, just as the Baby Jesus intended this great country to be…stand for…whatever.

Now that Tony Hayward has is life back from BP and the great sludge pit that was once the Gulf of Mexico, he will be our leader. Plus, we can use the $18 million he gets from his outstanding leadership in service to the customers and shareholders of Butt Plugs.

Sarah Palin, just ‘cause she’s got the legs for it and any organization needs a good wordsmith.

Tennessee Lt. Gov. Ron Ramsey, a Republican candidate for governor, showing us the way by explaining that Islam is “more a cult than it is a faith.”

“Now, you could even argue whether being a Muslim is actually a religion, or is it a nationality, way of life, cult whatever you want to call it,” Ramsey said. “Now certainly we do protect our religions, but at the same time this is something we are going to have to face.”

And with him, we’ll bring the Rev. Allen Jackson, pastor of the World Outreach Church in Murfreesboro, TN., for fighting to keep a mosque out of walkin’ horse country.

“We have a duty to investigate anyone under the banner of Islam,” said Rev. Jackson.

And while, we’re at it, we’ll include another world outreach, the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida which plans to celebrate September 11^th this year by burning a copy of the Holy Koran. You’ll be able to pick ‘em out. They’ll be the ones wearing the, “Islam is of the Devil” T-shirts underneath their overalls.

And then, of course, we must have Dan Amato of Pennsylvania, better known to the blogosphere as, “Digger.”

Dan the Digger dug up a stop-the-presses story about drug cartels crossing the border to seize and occupy two ranches near Laredo, Texas.

The only problem with the story was…well, how do we put this…it was completely made up! Just one more effort to scare good God-fearin’ Bumper-Sticker ‘Murkins about the brown threat coming up from Mexico.

Black, brown, almond-mocha, prayin’ differently…it doesn’t matter. Because as D.U.M.B.A.S.S…es…we know: if it ain’t white it ain’t right!

Just the bear facts…

Posted on July 12, 2010 By Steve Hart

Spain wins the World Cup; Lance clips a pedal and sees his Tour hopes dashed to the curb; the Gulf of Mexico continues filling up with oil and toxic chemicals and the Congress returns to Capitol Hill.

Quiz: which of these events presents the most disappointment and dread?

Answer: Mama Grizzlies.

(It was a trick question.)

What, exactly, is with the extremist right wing in this country and all the talk of animals and shootin’ guns and teeth-barin’ metaphors?

Seems to be working, though.

Sarah Palin compares right-wing female politicians to Mama Grizzlies and her political action committee raises nearly $1 million in the second quarter.

Nevada senatorial candidate Sharron Angle suggests armed revolt might be the answer to today’s troubled nation and she wins the GOP nomination.

Some winger fringe preacher says a Yellowstone National Park visitor killed by a bear is God’s revenge for researchers drugging the bear to study it…rather than killing it.

Then, of course, there is the famous admission by abortion extremist Neal Horsley that everyone growing up on a farm has sex with mules.

Oh…wait…that’s a different story.

Palin has long made the best out of animal metaphors, of course. Pit bulls and pigs with lipstick became a national phrases célèbre during the 2008 presidential campaign. So much so that, by golly, she’s stickin’ with it.

“I always think of the mama grizzly bears that rise up on their hind legs when somebody’s coming to attack their cubs, to do something ADVERSE toward their cubs,” Palin recently told an adoring audience, not at a zoo.

“You thought pit bulls were tough, well you don’t mess with the mama grizzlies. Look out, Washington, because there’s a whole stampede of pink elephants crossin’ the line and the ETA — stampeding through — is November 2nd, 2010. Lotta women, comin’ together.”

Palin was, of course, comparing politicians and office-seekers who happen to be women – and right wing – to mama grizzlies. That’s sweet and all – and certainly a different view of women than one might get from, say, the National Organization of Women or Emily’s List.

Maybe just a few too many pink elephants stampeding along. Who knows?

“It seems like it’s kind of a mom awakening in the last year and a half, where women are rising up and saying, ‘No, we’ve had enough already.’ Because moms kinda just know when something’s wrong,” she said.

We all know when something’s wrong. One just can’t put lipstick on a pig and expect anyone to see it as anything but a pig.

Under siege by a foreign corporation…

Posted on June 7, 2010 By Steve Hart

It’s Monday, all you oil-soaked peeps and beaks, we’re now at 50 days into the killing of a major ocean.

The bad news is we’re now officially under siege by a foreign oil corporation and being held hostage by its greed, incompetence and general disdain for humankind and Mother Earth.

But the good news is…oh, wait, there isn’t any good news.

“This is a siege across the entire gulf,” said U.S. Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen over the weekend on the TeeVee Box. “This spill is holding everybody hostage, not only economically but physically. And it has to be attacked on all fronts.”

So, would someone PLEASE attack it? AND save a little punishment for the corporation responsible for it?

“This is the most messed up thing I’ve ever seen,” said another astute observer.

Yep, it is quite possibly this will be the most messed up thing we’re likely to see it our lifetimes.

“This is worse than the financial meltdown,” continued the astute observer. “We can overcome money disasters.”

So, let’s take stock.

The Gulf of Mexico contains 2,434, 000 cubic kilometers of water or 642,994,775,444,240,000 gallons.

It now also contains between 30 million and 117 million gallons of oil plus another 1 million gallons of chemicals intended to, um, disperse the oil.

So…carry the 1…sin(ax)sin(bx) – k cos(ax)cos(bx)… let’s see…that means roughly 1.807723911257192e-10 percent of the Gulf of Mexico is now filled with oil and cancer-causing chemicals.

One is legally drunk is Florida when one’s blood alcohol content reaches .08 percent. Just sayin’.

But not to worry, the “drill-baby-drill” crowd has it all under control.

Why just this past weekend, Drill-Baby (otherwise known as Sarah Palin) posted on her Facebook page the root cause of this catastrophe of Biblical proportions.

Yes, you guessed it: the “extreme environmentalists.”

“With your nonsensical efforts to lock up safer drilling areas, all you’re doing is outsourcing energy development, which makes us more controlled by foreign countries, less safe, and less prosperous on a dirtier planet,” wrote the half-term governor of Alaska.

“Your hypocrisy is showing. You’re not preventing environmental hazards; you’re outsourcing them and making drilling more dangerous.

“Extreme deep water drilling is not the preferred choice to meet our country’s energy needs, but your protests and lawsuits and lies about onshore and shallow water drilling have locked up safer areas. It’s catching up with you. The tragic, unprecedented deep water Gulf oil spill proves it.”

How could we have been so wrong to oppose offshore oil drilling?

Finally, noted carnival sideshow barker and human cartoon Rush Limbaugh got married over the weekend to his fourth wife. Newt Gingrich was there with his third wife.

It’s good to celebrate life-long commitments and family values.

Junk shots all over the place!

Posted on May 28, 2010 By Steve Hart

BP backed off its first junk shot and after a rest and, maybe, some protein will try another junk shot.

It’s a hard business.

BP or “Beyond Petroleum-and-into-destroying-one-of-the-world’s-great-oceans” will get a visit today from President Obama. He will, no doubt, kick their corporate ass before donning his Aquaman suit, swimming down 5,000 feet and plugging the volcano himself with one of the whale carcasses he may find.

Probably gonna be a lot of junk shots today.

After all, the President took full responsibility yesterday, explaining the federal government’s been in charge of this fiasco from day one. That was, of course, before he realized BP decided on its own to pull out of the initial junk shot leaving us all disappointed and unfulfilled.

“I take responsibility,” said the President during an afternoon presser. “It is my job to make sure that everything is done to shut this down. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen right away or the way I’d like it to happen. That doesn’t mean we aren’t going to make mistakes.”

Then he told us even his 11-year-old daughter, Malia, is concerned.

“You know, when I woke up this morning and I’m shaving, and Malia knocks on my bathroom door and she peeks in her head and she says, ‘did you plug the hole yet, Daddy?’”

No, sweetie, Daddy didn’t plug the hole, yet.

But, hey, the good news is officials of Beyond Petroleum-and-into-destroying-one-of-the-world’s-great-oceans described this disaster of Biblical proportions as – not making this up – an “environmental catastrophe.”

Thanks Tony Hayward, head of BP in ‘Murka, for upgrading your assessment from “a modest spill.”

Lots of junk shots today.

Fearful of losing headline attention, Sarah Palin is tweeting (again, can’t make this up): “I never say drill,baby,drill. Ahh, that’s much of the problem, Mr.President, Drill ANWR & unlock land for safe onshore devlpmnt/energy security.”

Seriously? Hey Sarah, let’s go to the video tape.

Speaking of mouthing off, where’s Dick Cheney been? He’s always good for a quote about the Obama Administration. No? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Oh yea, that’s right…his, um, cozy and helpful relationship with the oil industry just might share a teeny-tiny bit of the blame for all this. Maybe, once the Gulf of Mexico is dead, we can rename the aquatic wasteland, the Gulf of Dick.

But the good people of Morgan City, Louisiana are going right ahead with their 75^th Annual Shrimp & Petroleum Festival.

“All systems are go,” said Lee Delaune, the festival’s director to the New York Times. “We will honor the two industries as we always do. More so probably in grand style, because it’s our diamond jubilee.”

More so probably because as an added treat, the good people of Morgan City, Louisiana can pick up shrimp coated in oil right off the boats! Good for deep fryin’.

Stupid is as stupid votes…

Posted on May 24, 2010 By Steve Hart

Rand Paul says he would’ve voted against making Woolworth’s open lunch counters to black folks and thinks the government goes too far by requiring ramps near stairs for wheelchairs.

Sarah Palin thinks asking a politician about such matters is gotcha-journalism like, you know, when she was asked, “what newspapers do you read?” (Remember answer? “All of ‘em.”)

The Gulf of Mexico continues filling up with oil and chemicals.

Let’s hope this week is better…or, at least, a little less stupid.

That’s right, I said it: stupid. Just plain stupid; meaning: dumb, dim, think, dense, slow, dull, brainless, obtuse, foolish, silly, daft.

Perhaps Palin is simply pissed because someone finally knocked her off the cover of Dumb Politicians Monthly magazine. Oops, sorry, but it’s time to move on to the next season of “American Idiot Idol.”

Richard “yea, sure, I served in Vietnam…with my wife, Morgan Fairchild” Blumenthal can give ‘em a run for their money.

Yea, that’s the ticket.

It’s one thing to be really mush-brained but think you have all the answers and put them out there in public for all the world to see and hear.

But it’s a whole other level of dumbass to go out there in public and defend dumbass, blame it one someone else or – especially – the media.

But let’s be honest, we’ve no shortage of publicly expressed dumbassiness. Remember these?

“Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well.” – FEMA Director Michael Brown on his heckuva job in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

“I was recently on a tour of Latin America and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.” - Dan Quayle.

“We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term.” – Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino.

Know hat? Maybe, for once, I agree with what Douche Limpbranch said on his dumbass radio show back in February:

“Our politically correct society is acting like some giant insult’s taken place by calling a bunch of people who are retards, retards.”

Oh, and did I mention the best guess estimate is over 35 million gallons of oil is now in the Gulf of Mexico…AND COUNTING!

Dumbass.

Pit bulls, pigs & mama grizzlies

Posted on May 17, 2010 By Steve Hart

CONCERN: Gulf oil slick may be merging into Loop Current.

CLICK HERE for NOAA forecast maps, in motion.

An “emerging, conservative, feminist identity” is what Sarah Palin said late last week of a group of women opposed to women making their own choices on reproductive health.

The failed national office seeker who walked off the job – quit – as Alaska’s governor delivered a stirring call to action at a breakfast meeting of the Susan B. Anthony List.

“”The mama grizzlies, they rise up,” she said, to laughter, according to the Washington Post.

“You thought pit bulls are tough. You don’t want to mess with the mama grizzlies. And I think there are a whole lot of those in this room.”

What is it, exactly, that compels Palin to describer her and her supporters in animal metaphors? Hmmm…issues.

The grizzlies gathered in the room for the Susan B. Anthony List oppose the right of women to seek abortions. Nevermind that Susan B. Anthony was, herself, the ultimate advocate for women’s rights.

Palin went to tell the group of her own personal struggle when she discovered she was pregnant with a Down Syndrome child. She made the choice, she said, and now Trig is a blessing to her family. Ah, yes, the choice.

This would be good for conservatives to embrace feminism and equal rights for everyone!

He could see the Heritage Foundation create a new American Civility Rights Union or the American Enterprise Institute pledge to work with the American Conscience of Rights, Naturally.

We could even see a National Rifle Association convention where no one is allowed to be bring guns. We could text our votes to elect our first Miss USA who also happens to be Muslim. (See earlier: “emerging, conservative feminism.”)

Okay, okay…probably just dreaming.

We have big elections coming up tomorrow. At least the punditry is telling us they are big. There will be a lot of talk over the next 48 hours about anti-incumbent fervor…hey, it’s mid-terms, what else do we have to talk about?

Pennsylvania: Tried and true Democratic U.S. Rep. Joe Sestak, a retired Admiral, is neck and neck with Democratic wannabe and veteran U.S. Senator Arlen Specter.

Arkansas: Maybe-she’s-too-Moderate Sen. Blanche Lincoln is facing a tough primary battle from Lt. Gov. Bill Halter, a favorite of slight more progressive people in the Democratic Primary.

Kentucky: Rand Paul, Libertarian eye-doctor and son of U.S. Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, appears headed for a victory in the Republican Primary for U.S. Senate to replace the retiring and certifiably whacky former major league pitcher Jim Bunning.

These primary battle and many others are sure to give everyone something to crow about.

Oil’s well that ends well!

Posted on May 3, 2010 By Steve Hart

“Drill, baby, drill; not stall, baby, stall!”

“We already drill in an environmentally sensitive manner.”

Okay, so maybe Michael ManofSteele, Sarah Palindrome & Shame Humanity missed the mark just a skosh on this one.

Gee, ya think?

As the people of Perdido Key, Florida spent Sunday patrolling their 10 miles of beach, picking up anything that could soak up the millions of gallons of oil possibly headed their way, the rest of the nation watched in horror as oil advocates gagged on their own words.

Fortunately, we can count on radio carnival barker Douche Limpbranch to find the solution for us.

“The ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and left out there,” Limpbranch told the St. Petersburg Times. “It’s natural. It’s as natural as the ocean water is.”

Limpbranch also suggested the April 20 oil rig explosion which led to the 200,000-gallon-per-day open gusher on the Gulf floor might have been a case of eco-terrorism by one of the oil rig workers.

This is all excellent logic, the kind of logic that leads pundits across the meme-scape to call this horrible disaster, “Obama’s Katrina.”

Obama’s Katrina? Really? Seriously? Okay, to begin with journalist and rescue workers can actually get to, stay in and enjoy the food of New Orleans…unlike the days following Katrina.

Second, sales of Dawn dishwashing liquid will soon spike as experts suggest the common household product is the single best way to clean befouled fowl of oil. Really, not making this up.

“There is something in that Dawn detergent that cuts that oil right off of them,” said Lee Fox, head of Sarasota, FL.-based Save our Seabirds.

Fox wrote a manual for how to clean up birds covered with oil after a 1993 oil spill in Tampa Bay.

Wait…you mean we’ve had other massive oil spills? Sure we have. You might recall Alaska’s Exxon Valdez spill in 1989…President George H.W. Bush’s Katrina.

Close to 11 million gallons of oil spilled into Alaska’s Prince William Sound.

The good news is BP, which owns the leaking oil rig, announced last week its first quarter 2010 profits were up nearly $2.4 billion over the first quarter 2009…thanks to rising oil and gasoline prices.

So…this is working out pretty well for them.

“Drill, baby, drill.”

“Eat shrimp while you still can.”

Gulf of Mexico: America’s sewer!

Posted on April 30, 2010 By Steve Hart

The good news about the massive oil spill in the northern Gulf of Mexico is that it will cover up and make us forget about the massive dead zone in the northern Gulf of Mexico.

Oh…and, by the way, you’ll hear the word, “massive,” a lot in the coming days.

But what the hell, right? It’s just the Gulf of Mexico. We’ve been using it as America’s sewer for years now, flushing all kinds of poisons down the Mississippi River to the Gulf of Mexico.

Just like Colonel Jackson in Johnny Horton’s song.

So, let’s rewind back to the Republican National Convention of 2008. What’s that, you chant…loudly?

“Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill!”

Yea, seemed like a good slogan at the time. So, Sarah, how’s that, “drill, baby, drilly-thingy workin’ out fer ya?” Wink-wink.

“Globs of roofing tar” reported washing up on the Chandeleur Islands, according to the Christian Science Monitor. But, heck, that could be left over from Katrina. No, not really.

The infamous Gulf of Mexico Dead Zone, you see, is a 7,000 square mile area, generally just west and south of the…here it is again…massive oil spill. Nothing lives in the dead zone. Nothing can live in the dead zone because pollutants – nutrients, fertilizers, all sorts of chemicals – sucked up all the oxygen years ago.

Flushed down the Mississippi River from our nation’s heartland, the Gulf of Mexico dead zone was created by our nation’s ongoing, greatest (and massive) bowel movement.

But now we have a 2,000 square mile oil slick washing toward the Louisiana marshes and, should the wind shift and regular currents pick it up, the island and beaches of Mississippi, Alabama, the Florida Panhandle and possibly even to the Florida Keys eventually.

Ain’t that just great? Drill, baby, drill! Pump 200,000 gallons of oil each day into the Gulf of Mexico from a broken well head!!

Some experts predict it could take as long as 3 months to cap the leaking well. Let’s see…200,000 gallons a day times 90 days…carry the 1…why that’s close to 18 million gallons of black gold spread across the Gulf of Mexico in three months!

We’ll all be rich!!

Oh, what the hell, we’ll just burn the Gulf of Mexico…and Mexicans could then walk to Florida and avoid Arizona altogether!

Oh yea…and President Obama let it be known this morning he is rethinking his whole notion of allowing more offshore oil drilling. Good call, Mr. President.

Back on dry land, Florida Gov. Charlie Crist reversed himself after reversing himself and finally decided, “offshore drilling…bad.”

He also decided, “Republican Party…bad,” as he officially proclaimed his independence making for a man-to-man-to-man three-way for election to the U.S. Senate in November. We’ll see who ends up spooning who.

You just can’t make up this stuff…

Posted on April 14, 2010 By Steve Hart

Boy, howdy!

These guys are a laugh a minute! Better ‘n a barrel of monkeys, these Republicans.

Just as President Obama is holding a summit – the largest gathering of world leaders since the 1940s – on the dangers of loose nukes, the loose knuckleheads over GOP HQ put out a new ad for the TeeVee Box and the Innertubes.

You gotta see this on the YouTubes .

“Many think April 15^th is tax day,” said the serious announcer. “Wrong.”

“For President Obama, every day is tax day.”

“Your money isn’t safe. He knows where you keep it.”

Seriously, they put this out, expect people to believe it.

“Obama’s new health care bill contains $570 billion in new taxes.”

“Wheelchairs: taxed. Sneezing: taxed. Breathing: taxed.”

Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna take it to the streets! Grab your wheelchairs; we’re headed downtown to protest by breathing and sneezing on people!!

“And if you don’t buy healthcare, the tax man will come for you.”

“You can’t run. There is no place to hide!”

“Over next few years IRS agents will begin to multiply.”

Well, at least we haven’t taxed multiplication…not yet, anyway. But we’re not finished!

“The government wants your money and President Obama knows where to get it.”

I’m tellin’ ya, this couldn’t be funnier if it was on Saturday Night Live…or the new Palin Network.

Oh yea, and this comes as a Democrat wins the first congressional race of 2010 in Florida District 19 running against a teabagger who tried to make the race a rejection of health care reforms. Not so much in Boca.

Meanwhile, over in Rome the Pope has finally figured out how to deal with the worldwide and continuing spread of priests diddlin’ the alter boys. Blame it on the queers! Yea, that’s the ticket!!

Cardinal Tarcisco Bertone, the Vatican’s No. 2 dude, the assistant Pope (and only God knows what else) explained it all in Chile on Monday.

“There is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia,” said the Holy Second See. “That is true. That is the problem.”

Holy Wankin’ It Under the Robes, Batman!! Problem solved!!

Gee, and the rest of the world – including most learned shrinks – thought it all had to do with years and years of sexual repression caused by the insanity of celibacy. Let me ‘splain sumpthin to you, boys. Gay people don’t need children ’cause there’s lots of other gay people around. Get used to it.

Why bother with nuclear weapons when we got demagoguery!!

Posted on April 12, 2010 By Steve Hart

Okay, sure, the President of the United States has assembled in Washington today the largest gathering of world leaders since FDR and, sure, they’re gonna talk about the dangers to the world of nuclear weapons, while also interviewing candidates for the U.S. Supreme Court.

But enough of the small stuff. The really important stuff happened in New Orleans over the weekend when the southern confederate Republican leadership wallowed in self-pity and self-hate to warn us of the dangers of this president who don’t look like all the other presidents.

Just like Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour explained, all the hub-bub over Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell proclaiming April as Confederate Heritage Month? Well, that don’t amount to diddly…and not Bo Diddley, neither, unless he wants to sing us a song and wail on that little box guitar!

No siree, bob…we got real problems in this country and they all start with smart, insightful people regaining control of the fedrul guv’munt and, well, we just can’t have that. They might do something – already have – to help us progress toward a better world when what we really want is to roll back the clock 150 years and fight the slavery war all over again!

You see, in addition to protectin’ their only source of power – ig’nurt hillbillies who are easily persuaded to vote against their own interests – bombast and demagoguery are the only talent they got. Sure ain’t governin’. (See history: 2000-2008.)

Where, oh where is Andrew Jackson when we really need him? What? Drunk and mean again? Great, bring ‘im on!

It’s hard to explain, though, how a Yankee like Mittens Romney won the straw poll at the southern confederate Republican leadership gathering. But be something about a shiny object that glimmers in the lights. Sheen is good.

“Don’t retreat. Reload!” shouted shiny object Sarah Palin, while quickly explaining she doesn’t mean by that we should not resort to violence. By, “reload,” she means putting more ammunition into guns.

She also reportedly distributed reindeer jerk on which the mob could chew while she talked.

“Don’t tell me you’re a Republican and then go spend all the money,” said Texas Gov. Rick Perry. (Again, see history: 2000-2008)

Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich warned the crowd Obama and the Democrats are a secular, socialist machine. “Two plus two equals four,” Gingrich said, which is just about all the math the crowd could handle.

Oh well, it appears bombast alone won’t save the nation so it will be up to the “snake oil-based, global warming, Gore-gate crowd,” as Palin up it, to save ‘Murka and the world – from itself.

But, oh blessed Jesus, they can always rely on the superior wit of folks like alleged comedian Victorian Jackson who told a separate (but equal) teabagger rally over the weekend, “it doesn’t matter if (Obama) has a birth certificate or not, he’s not an American.”

Sweet.

…Old times there are not forgotten…

Posted on April 9, 2010 By Steve Hart

BREAKING NEWS: Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has just signed a proclamation recognizing April as KKK Month in the state for lovers.

“It should help tourism,” said the governor, as he boarded a private jet bound for New Orleans and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. “And the sale of white sheets at the Wal-Mart.”

Immediately upon his announcement, a cannon was fired from the back porch (next to the refrigerator) of Fort Sumter, South Carolina and legislatures across the south said, “hell no, we ain’t gonna have no stinkin’ health care in THIS state, by damn, ain’t gonna be no slaves to the fed’rul guv’munt.”

Actually, the move kinda stalled in Florida where, oops, one relatively astute committee chairman realized a proposed amendment to the Florida Constitution prohibiting the federal exercise of health care reform would probably be…well, unconstitutional.

Legislators said the state constitution is probably not the place to tell the federal government what to do and someone sent a message to Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell reminding him that didn’t work out so well when they tried it nearly 150 years ago.

“We’ll find other ways to keep people from getting adequate health care in Florida,” said one legislator.

Meanwhile, over in Nawlins, the leaders of the Southern Republicans are gathering to hear, most likely, more of their heroes talk of how bad things are in ‘Murka with a socialist president and how good things were when Bush was president and Hurricane Katrina slammed into Nawlins in 2005.

Sarah Palin will be there and may, yet again, speak of how President Obama’s scaled back nuclear aggression policy is like a kid on the playground who says, “punch me in the face and I’m not going to retaliate – go ahead and do what you want to with me.”

Flying back from Prague, where he just signed a new START Treaty with Russian, President Obama suggested to ABC’s George Stephanopoulos he’s probably not going to take advice on nuclear policy from Palin.

“Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues,” said the President.

But the Southern Republicans should have a good time, nonetheless, and it’s a fine week to remember the Confederacy and all it entailed while calling President Obama the most radical president of all time, as did Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich only yesterday. Gee, I thought that title belonged to Lincoln.

They can even get their shoes shined and, maybe…just maybe…some of the local folks will sing ‘em a song or two…just to show how happy they are!

But back in Washington, 5-term Democratic Ohio Congressman Bart Stupak is expected to announce his retirement today.

You’ll remember Congressman Stupak, of course, who made sure the reproductive health of women was a casualty of the health care reform debate.

Stupak is as Stupak does.

Maybe while they’re in Louisiana, the Southern Republicans can persuade the porn star running there for the U.S. Senate to move to Ohio.

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