Although much of the clap-trap they circulate remains.

Here’s what happened: The Sun let loose last Sunday with a coronal mass ejection, what scientists who watch heavenly bodies on computer screens like to refer to as, “the money shot.”

This sent millions and millions of tiny, supercharged particles – electrons, proteins, carbohydrates – all hurdling toward Earth at 2.5 million miles per hour. That’s really, really fast.

Even the tiniest particle is gonna smart if it hits you at 2.5 million miles per hour and scientists feared the worst. Pat Buchanan, blabbering as he usually does on MSNBC, revealed to us that Thomas Jefferson thought the punishment for sodomy should be castration.

It was through intense astrophysical mind melds possible only during geomagnetic storms that Buchanan could access the thoughts of Thomas Jefferson in just such a way.

Nonetheless, a federal judge in California ruled as unconstitutional the nitwit Golden State plebiscite banning gay marriage and now, thankfully, gay people in California are free, once again, to become as hopelessly bogged down in marriage at straight people.

The reaction to the ruling by the homophobe underclass was, of course, to immediate accuse the federal judge of being gay. Why else, they said, would he allow for one class of people to enjoy the rights given to other classes of people? Oh yea…and when will “gay” stop being an accusation?

The hurtling particles did not stop the U.S. Senate from confirming Elena Kagan as U.S. Supreme Court Justice, despite GOP predictions of the nation’s imminent collapse. She will be sworn in on Saturday but this will still not stop SCOTUS from granting the full rights of individuals to our corporate masters and it’s only a matter of time before some giant retailer like Target gives a wad of cash to right-wing fear mongers who support crazy extremists for posts like governor of Minnesota.

Perhaps, however, the geomagnetic storm is responsible for a reported alliance between Google and Verizon which could, it has been suggested, lead to express lanes on the super information highway where only rich people and companies willing to pay more will get access to the really groovy stuff on the InnerTubes while the rest of us will be left with Hulu and the Fox News website.

This leaves us with one startling if not confirmed result of the geomagnetic storm. It appears one supercharged particle might have actually made its way through the carbon-ladened atmosphere to strike an 18-wheeler carrying 39,000 pounds of 5-blend shredded cheese near Pensacola, Florida.

The truck immediately caught fire leaving fried and melted cheese all over Interstate 10.

With nothing left to clean up in the Gulf of Mexico, crews from BP were immediately dispatched to the scene with 40,000 pounds of crackers.

Naw…just kidding.

The SCOTUS nod goes to current U.S. Solicitor General Elena Kagan, noted socialist and prostitute according to right-wing extremists who also say they don’t like her haircut, a little too short for their liking.

The political scene is really bonking for lack of adequate nutrition.

Here’s the good news about Kagan: no one, but no one, doubts her brilliance and precision as a thinker and writer, analyzer of exquisite detail and thoughtful narrative. The Senate’s already voted to confirm her as solicitor general.

Okay, okay…but will she vote to overturn Roe v. Wade…that’s what’s important to the extremists.

Answer: Oh, hell no! Now, y’all go on about the bidness of eating your own and leave the Supreme Court to the grown ups.

But they won’t. They’ll try anything they can think of to try to destroy Kagan, all reasons having nothing to do with her potential as a supreme court justice.

They’ve already called her a prostitute. How much lower can they sink?

Writing in the National Review, no less, some hack named Ed Whelan questioned Kagan’s principles with the famous G.B. Shaw quote, “We’ve already established what you are, ma’am. Now we’re just haggling over the price.”

After being roundly criticized, the Whelan character backtracked a bit to explain everyone uses this quote – you know, to call people whores.

And speaking of solid principles and loyalty, the extremists ate one of their own heroes over the weekend.

The good people of the Utah GOPeeparty, meeting in convention, ousted three-term U.S. Senator Bob Bennett because he isn’t pure enough. It’s rumored he actually knows and has spoken with African Americans, Latin Americans and, perhaps, women!

You see, the Utah GOPers get together in a convention to decide which Republican Utah will elect to national offices such as the U.S. Senate. This year’s back room deal turned into a teabagger convention and out went Sen. Bennett.

The reason? Just not conservative enough. Heck, he voted in favor of President Bush bail-out of big banks and talked to Democrats about health care reform.

In the addled brains of teabaggers this simply will not do. I mean this guy was the employer of Howard Hunt when he and G. Gordon Liddy broke into the Watergate to bug the Democrats…and he’s no longer conservative enough for the baggers. Whew!!

Hmmm…Mitt Romney, Karl Rove and Newt Gingrich all like him. They are so out of step with the baggers.

And finally, from the “Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry” file, it seems farm animals are not safe in Florida.

Despite repeated attempts, the Florida Legislature failed to outlaw animal diddlin’ in the Sunshine State; an issue sure to raise its ugly head in the race for the U.S. Senate.

While lip-readers were in short supply, all on my staff having been sent to the palm-reader for the evening, most agree Alito mouthed, “not true,” to the president as he called out SCOTUS for its outrageous ruling last week that corporations are people, too.

We have it on good authority, however, that what Alito really said was, “kiss my white ass.” Or, more specifically, “kiss my white hunky ass.”

“With all due deference to the separation of powers,” said POTUS to the SCOTUS in the SOTU. “Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law to open to the floodgates for special interests – including foreign corporations – to spend without limit in our elections.”

“Kiss my white hunky ass,” mouthed Alito from the second row, only feet from the President.

“Well I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, or worse, by foreign entities. They should be decided by the American people and that’s why I’m urging Democrats and Republicans to pass a bill that helps right this wrong.”

At that, Alito’s face grew grim and red.

“Oh, yea?” he mouthed. “Want to take it outside? You and me, you scrawny little upstart. I’ll bring Goldman Sachs, GE and Bank of America and we’ll make you cry like a little girl.

“And besides,” he continued to mouth. “We don’t care what the American people think or what the Constitution says. This court decided the 2000 election and, by golly, we’ll decided 2012 if we have to.”

By the way…a CBS poll taken immediately after the speech found 83 percent of the viewers approved of the President’s message and his proposals. A CNN pool found 48 percent liked the speech, 30 percent sorta like it and 21 percent didn’t like it at all.

The poll also found 80 percent of those polled think Obama could take Alito in a fair fight while the remaining 20 percent picked Alito in two rounds.