A President of the United States can stand up, defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and you people, so torn by fear and paranoia, go berserk with angry rhetoric and condemnation.

What? The President defending the Constitution? Why, that’s…that’s…just downright un-American!

“And a baby cries…in the ghetto…” Oh Elvis, why’d you have leave us (maybe)?

Seriously, can you people hear what you’re saying?

On defending the right in the United States to worship as one pleases, Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich said the President is “pandering to radical Islam.”

Sarah Palin refudiated the President’s defense of the Constitution by acknowledging Muslims, like everyone else, have a right to worship anywhere they please in the U.S. of A. But “should they?,” she asks.

Peter King, a Republican congressman from New York, suggested President Obama is rubbing salt in the wound of 9/ll by pointing out the Constitution defends the right to worship as we are lead to worship.

In case you’ve been under a rock since Friday or catching oil soaked shrimp in the Gulf of Mexico, the President of the United States, speaking to a gathering of Muslims celebrating the beginning of the holy month of Ramadan with a White House dinner, pointed out what every American first grader knows:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

The President’s defense of basic rights just didn’t sit well with basic right-winters; hate-mongers dedicated to dividing us against ourselves at every turn. No siree Bob. We can’t have a country where all are welcomed! That just won’t do and, besides, they don’t have a clear enough message to drive people to the voting booth unless they scare the bejeebers out of us with fear and paranoia.

So, okay, let’s a few points straight:

Islam didn’t attack us on September 11, 2001. A group of extremists, criminal radicals known as Al Qaeda attacked us on September 11, 2001. They happened to be Muslim and are led by Muslim heretics.

1. Islam didn’t attack us on September 11, 2001. A group of extremists, criminal radicals known as Al Qaeda attacked us on September 11, 2001. They happened to be Muslim and are led by Muslim heretics.
2. Right-Wing Muslim radicals and extremists are not alone in their violent rhetoric and actions. Christian and Jewish extremists and radicals can match them word for word and, mostly, act for act.
3. If we have any chance at all of overcoming this kind of violent action by religious heretics and dangerous thugs, we have to stand strong for the ideals which establish the very core of this great social experiment we call America. It doesn’t matter if our own radicals don’t like it very much, everyone is welcome to worship as they please.

And besides, all three great Abrahamic faiths – Jewish, Muslim & Christian – require us to acknowledge and treat as brothers and sisters those of the other faiths.

Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and the rest of the radical paranoids have a right in America to say whatever they wish about others…but should they?

Hidden among the many provisions of the new communist manifesto – better know as health care reform – is a 10 percent tax on tanning salons! It’s an outrage!

No wonder House Majority Leader John Boehner was livid…and vivid! He should be. The average person pays $15 to $20 per 10-minute session to lay nekkid on a bed of fluorescent lights and get zapped like a doughnut. With this 10 percent tax, they’ll have to pay an additional $1.50 to $2.00.

Lord only knows how much more this will cost Boehner! Is there no end to this socialist-fascist-communist-Kenyan-rastafarian-zoroastrian-baptist takeover of our tanning rights???

What’s next? Are they gonna charge us more for liquor and cigarettes and Twinkies?

Oh…wait…the bill was all about ‘Murkins getting healthier. Nevermind.

Not to worry. Approximately 13 of the nation’s state attorneys general have it all under control.

Led by Florida’s AG – who also happens to be a GOP candidate for governor of the Fluorescent Light Tanning Bed State – the generals are using taxpayer dollars to file suit against the tanning bed surcharge bill saying it’s downright unconstitutional and against Jesus.

Using an argument for individual rights and states’ rights (yep, the same argument used to justify slavery), Florida AG Bill McCollum-Gollum said the fed’rul guv’munt can’t force him to get treated by a doctor if he don’t damn well want to!

“The healthcare reform legislation passed by the U.S. House of Representatives…clearly violates the U.S. Constitution and infringes on each states’ sovereignty,” said. McCollum-Gollum.

Legal experts around the country were quick to point out, after convulsing in laughter, the AGs’ lawsuit has about as much chance at succeeding as a snowball on a tanning bed. But, they pointed out, it does have a strong chance of wasting lots of state taxpayers’ money.

Sure, the Republicans lost big-time on health care reform and are looking pretty bad and grouchy right now. But don’t think for a minute they’re giving up their effort to keep ‘Murkins from getting better health care. Oh, hell no!

The U.S. Senate contingent of the Grouchy Old Party will be dancing all over procedural rules in the next few hours, trying to delay the inevitable passage of the so-called “fix” bill, which shockingly requires only a majority to pass.

Led by Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn, a doctor fighting against better health care, Republicans will offer up a series of amendments to force Democrats to go on record and vote down things like prohibiting Viagra prescriptions for sex offenders. (Seriously.)

Maybe they’ll bring in Mitt Romney as a guest speaker so he can argue against what he pushed through as governor of Massachusetts. That would be rich.

But, hey, at least ‘Murkins of all stripes are coming around on the notion of better health care.  A USAToday/Gallup poll out this morning says 49 percent of ‘Murkins think the health care reform bill is a good thing with only 40 percent saying it’s bad. (The remaining 11 percent were in the Emergency Room awaiting primary care and could not be reached.)

And, finally…yep, you betcha. Vice-President Joe Biden was right!

At least that’s what school children in Texas will soon learn if the Texas School Board gets its way in a circle-jerk editing session for social studies textbooks.

And, why not? After all, this is Texas…reality left a long time ago (Hello? George Bush? Rick Perry?)

New Texas tourism campaign slogan: “Whooo-wee Texas! We make Florida, Alabama & Mississippi look SANE!”

Seriously, in its boldest move yet to install fascism here in ‘Murka, the American Taliban  is right now pursuing the Texas Textbook Chainsaw Massacre to force innocent little school children to learn made up crap thereby ensuring they will grow up to be as messed-up as their parents.

So-called Christian Conservatives – the American Taliban – somehow gained control of the state board of education in the Republic of Texas and last week edited social studies and history textbooks they deemed, “too librul.”

Out: Thomas Jefferson as a man of the Enlightenment. In: Thomas Aquinas, John Calvin & William Blackstone. (It’s actually a wonder these knuckle-draggers even know who the latter group is.)

Out: separation of church & state. In: Newt Gingrich and the Contract with America.

“I reject the notion by the left of a constitutional separation of church and state,” said one of the right-wing Republicans. (Note to delusional school board member: please check Amendment Numero Uno…”Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;”)

Out: the non-violence of the civil rights movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In: their scary perceived violence of the Black Panther Party.

And just plan out is any mention that Tejanos died at the Alamo.

“We’re adding balance,” said another Taliban member. “History has already been skewed. Academia is skewed too far to the left.”

Out: “capitalism” as an economic system. In: “free enterprise.”

“Let’s face it, capitalism does have a negative connotation,” said another school board member. “You know, ‘capitalist pig!” (Really, did not make up that quote.)

All this leaves us with a number of questions to ponder: Can these people dress themselves? Will Texas students learn about sociopaths from books or real-life examples? What’s the next step in this sordid chain of events? Banning all music except that of Ted Nugent? WTF?