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Congress not necessarily a sane asylum

Capitol

Bless its heart, the U.S. Congress has never been immune from some crazy stuff, nor members.

History is replete with voters sending to the Congress some…er…um…interesting representatives.

Even in our modern era, we’ve had some…er…um…characters. (Senators with prostitutes and diapers and the like…wait, is there a “like”?)

Of course, one of Congress’s most famous worst moments in history came on May 22, 1856 when U.S. Representative Preston Brooks of South Carolina marched into the U.S. Senate Chamber and beat unconscious with a cane Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts.

Sumner, you see, was an abolitionist and Brooks a pro-slavery member of the House of Representatives. Brooks was offended by Sumner’s speech three days earlier in which he argued against admitting Kansas into the union as a slave state.

During the speech, Sumner blamed Senator Stephen Douglas of Illinois and Senator Andrew Butler of South Carolina for attempting to force Kansas’ admission as a slave state.

Sumner called Douglas, a “noise-some, squat and nameless animal…not a proper model for an American Senator.”

But Sumner mocked Butler’s self-proclaimed stature as a man of chivalry claiming the South Carolina senator had taken, “a mistress…who, though ugly to others, is always lovely to him; though polluted in the sight of the world, is chaste in his sight – I mean the harlot, slavery.”

Defending his fellow South Carolinian, Brooks walked into the Senate Chamber and beat Sumner to within an inch of his life. Brooks resigned because of the incident but was re-elected by the good people of South Carolina shortly thereafter.

No one is expecting members of Congress to physically attack each other in the 112th Congress but just like the debate over slavery in the 1850s, the Congress will have members with some crazy ideas.

According to ThinkProgress, the progressive Washington think tank, 50 percent of the incoming freshman class – Republicans elected on November 2 – deny the existence of manmade climate change.

  • 86 percent are opposed to any climate change legislation that would increase government revenue pledged to reducing CO2 pollution.
  • 39 percent have declared their intention to end the 14th Amendments guarantee of birthright citizenship.
  • 91 percent have sworn to oppose any tax increase on any individual or business, even corporations and the top 2 percent of wealthiest Americans.
  • 79 percent have pledged to help the rich even more by permanently eliminating the estate tax.
  • 48 percent want to see a balanced U.S. budget.

Don’t expect any caning but it’ll be interesting to watch the House debate over raising the nation’s debt ceiling or shutting down the U.S. government altogether. No doubt some will argue for the later.

Senators fear rain of men!

GayintheMilitary

Okay, kids: POP QUIZ!!

Question: What the primary job of a United State Senator?

  1. Deliberate thoughtfully and carefully on legislation proposed to advance the health, safety & welfare of all Americans, thereby improving the quality of life for one’s constituents?
  2. Cower before the screeching voices of fear and prejudice while carrying water and bags of cash for the rich and powerful minorities who own 85 percent of the nation’s wealth and systematically blocking any progress of this nation into the 21st Century?
  3. Make sure you never actually get caught with hookers and diapers or diddling a campaign staffer’s wife…or husband?

Naw, forget “3.” That was just a joke answer.

If, however, you answered, “B,” you are most likely already a United States Senator and a member of the minority Grand Old Tea Party. That’s right: minority. There are only 41 of you out of 100 and yet the spineless Democrats let you get away with blocking any measure that might accrue to the benefit of the nation.

And not only that, but you dare to go against Lady Gaga? Oh, there WILL be hell to pay for that one!

The Grand Old Tea Party in the U.S. Senate managed Tuesday to try to keep gay military personnel in the closet by refusing to vote for a repeal of the so-called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell law. Nevermind that it’s been stuck down as unconstitutional by a federal judge in California.

Clearly the Republican Senators do not want the U.S. Military to be more fabulous. They also want to ignore the vast majority of good, decent Americans who think the whole debate over gay people in the military is ridiculous in the first place.

The Grand Old Tea Party senators – along with Arkansas Democrats Blanche Lincoln and David Pryor – prefer Don’t Ask, Don’ Tell to Live and Let Live.

Oh, and by the way, nearly 14,000 members of the U.S. Armed Forces were discharged in the past year for being gay. Some were merely happy. The good new is gay folks in Florida can now adopt children…so long as they’re not the military, I guess.

The same bunch of curmudgeons also blocked from passage the DREAM Act.

The Development, Relief and Education of Alien Minors (DREAM) Act has been languishing in Congress for years. It would allow colleges and universities to accept children who were brought by their parents to the United States without the legal documentation. The children could also serve in the military. Eventually, they would earn citizenship.

But the curmudgeon Grand Old Tea Party senators don’t want to see children get educated.

They don’t want to hear about gay people defending the country.

They especially don’t want to see Democrats trying to help move the nation along, especially this close to November elections.

It’s hard to hook jellyfish.

“Hello? Spicoli’s Spine Palace, may we help you.”

“Um, yes,…um, this is a little embarrassing but we need to order some backbone, maybe with a side of cojones if you have them.”

“Oh, yes, of course. We keep well stocked in spine and cojones these days. We used to supply quite a bit for Capitol Hill but I guess the recession has lessened the demand.”

“Well…okay, we really need some now. How fast can you send it over?”

“We can fill that order today, sir. To which address?

“Um, yea…um, the Capitol if you don’t mind. The Senate.”

“Ah, yes, I see.”

“And, um, er…don’t tell anybody we called.”

Will we see a “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” moment or will we see the jellyfish return to the nation’s grandest aquarium?

Who the heck knows?

So, let’s see if we have this straight:

The Democrats will force the Republicans to vote against reforming Wall Street if they don’t belly up to the bar and support financial reform.

The lone Senate Republican supporting climate change legislation backed off over the weekend because, he complained, the Democrats want to push immigration reform and that will make him and his fellow Republicans look like racists. (Duh!)

Following, so far?

Good, because the logic is not obvious.

Republican senators (well, Shelby of Alabama) went on the TeeVee Box this morning to say, well, they MIGHT vote to regulate the derivatives trade. Of course, they’ll have to explain to their benefactors why they could suddenly read the hand-writing on the wall and, well, while they like that direct Wall Street-to-Capitol Hill cheese pipeline they really can’t be seen in public with the pillagers.

It’s all so sorted and cynical and, let’s face it, comical if it wasn’t so serious.

As the great philosopher, Jimmy Buffett, once said, “I’d like to be a jellyfish, ‘cause jellyfish don’t pay rent.”

Nekkid senator wants bike ride with Lance…

So here comes the new U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, Downtown Scotty Brown-All-Around, the naked pin-up salon, says his fondest wish now in his new-found celebrity is to go cycling with Lance Armstrong.

‘I would love to go on a bike ride with Lance Armstrong, just for those few hours, just like to say hi, just to like hug him,” Brown told the New York Times.

Brown, who will put his naked butt in the same seat occupied by Ted Kennedy in the world’s most exclusive club, is also a triathlete and all cyclists and triathletes want to go bike riding with Lance. Sure, who wouldn’t?

But Brown, who posed naked for Cosmo back in the crazy 80s and tried to sell his daughters on election night, was unclear if the bike ride and hug with Armstrong would be clothed or nekkid. Either way, it kinda sounds as if given the chance he might be found sitting tall in the saddle.

And speaking of tools, what about Twerpy McNerdbugger, aka James O’Keefe, the right-wing video sleuth who was caught in New Orleans dressed as a TeeVee repairman and charged with trying to bug the offices of Senator Mary Landrieu? NawlinsGate.

You remember O’Keefe for his pornesque video in which he claimed ACORN was responsible for the crucifixion of the Christ. He was heralded as a hero by the wingers.

After his arrest and release on bail a U.S. magistrate judge ordered him to live with his parents until his trial. He’ll have plenty of time to play World of Warcraft online with all his red state buddies.

And it’s looking more and more like the teabaggers gathering in Nashville next weekend will have to play with themselves. Two big teabag stars, U.S. Rep. Marsha Blackburn and the always entertaining U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann, have pulled out. That leaves only Sarah Palin – or maybe her avatar or Facebook page – as a big-name draw for the witch-burning festival.

And, finally, from the “Oh, That’s Just Freakin’ Great” Department: Osama bin Laden has released a new video in which he blames the U.S. and Europe for climate change. Thanks. That’ll be a big help. Why didn’t he just claim he and Al Gore were roommates at Harvard?